SINGAPORE: Most men usually grovel and beg for forgiveness when their affairs come to light, but one Singaporean woman has shockingly revealed on social media that her husband did the complete opposite.
Instead of apologising or attempting to make amends, she claimed he had been giving her “the cold shoulder” ever since she confronted him about his infidelity.
In a post on Reddit’s SingaporeR forum, the woman said her husband had been the “perfect” partner for over a decade.
He paid the bills, pulled his weight around the house, and was not just her spouse but also her best friend. The couple also shares a six-year-old child, which made the betrayal all the harder to swallow.
However, everything unravelled a few months ago when she discovered that her husband had been seeing another woman.
When confronted, he brushed it off, insisting that “it’s completely over” and that “it didn’t mean anything.” According to her, though, his behaviour since has told a very different story.
She said her husband has become noticeably distant and emotionally switched off. He no longer picks up her calls straight away, a far cry from the man who used to ring back within seconds. “He used to always call back within 10 seconds if it was a missed call,” she wrote.
Once patient and understanding, he has reportedly turned passive-aggressive and frosty.
“The way he talks to me is cold, and we’re fighting almost every other day,” she shared, adding that their relationship has become entirely platonic.
The situation came to a head when he reportedly gave her a blunt ultimatum. He allegedly told her that she could either “get over it” and never mention the affair again or she could leave.
Faced with the reality of their child and family, she chose to stay. Still, she admitted the choice has come at a high emotional cost.
“He still helps with the house and shows up for family events, but the emotional connection is dead,” she said. “It’s like he’s a roommate who dislikes me.”
Unsurprisingly, the woman is riddled with doubts. She said she cannot shake the feeling that he may not have fully cut ties with the other woman, or worse, that he has already mentally checked out of the marriage.
She ended her post by turning to fellow Redditors for advice. “Has anyone else dealt with this ‘cold shoulder’ phase after an affair?” she asked.
“Does the resentment ever go away, or is the fact that he’s acting like this a sign that he’s still seeing her? Has anyone gone through an uncontested divorce with a spouse who is emotionally checked out? How long did it actually take you to complete the full process?”
“It sounds to me that he’s still very much having the affair.”
In the comments, one Singaporean Redditor advised her to “focus on herself” for the time being.
“Take it as it is, but you need to change and care for yourself; instead of thinking about what the other is up to,” they wrote.
“Forget it. Find a hobby. Go out with your child and experience things together. As for his infidelity, be strong if it is still happening. If you have solid proof, confront him. But this time, you have the upper hand. Save the evidence and let him know it is saved.”
Another commenter wrote that if they were in her shoes, they would not tolerate the disrespect and would leave the marriage immediately.
“I definitely would not want my children to see me and my partner putting on a facade for their sake,” they added. “I am not an emotional person, hence my priorities are my children, me, followed by my partner. On the bright side, I will take the time off from marriage to reorganise myself and find a better fit.”
A third commenter bluntly suggested that it was obvious her husband was still having an affair. They also expressed outrage that he appeared neither remorseful nor apologetic, and was instead attacking her for “not getting over it”.
“If a person cheated and he was sorry for cheating, he would be doing everything to make things right. Being extra nice to you, being tolerant of your questions etc.”
“But it sounds to me that he’s still very much having the affair and is just ticking the necessary boxes to show he has put in the ‘effort’ before checking out of the relationship. This is classic DARVO. Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.”
A fourth commenter, meanwhile, urged the woman to reflect on her own actions over the past few years, suggesting that for her husband to go from being the “perfect partner” to someone she barely recognises, something must have changed.
They said, “You mentioned the things he did for you. But maybe think about what you did for him before things changed. Men generally don’t like to leave relationships or marriages. Caveat, not all men.”
“Accept his attitude for now if you want to save the marriage. If you have already detached because of the affair, divorce should go pretty smoothly. From what is written here, it seems like he won’t be fighting much. Be reasonable with the split and it should be fine.”
In other news, a 33-year-old employee at a national healthtech agency has alleged that his manager told him he was a “burden to the team” after he sought approval to take “no-pay leave” due to a rare and serious medical condition known as “severe serotonin syndrome.”
The allegation was shared in a detailed post on the r/askSingapore forum, where the worker recounted a series of encounters with management that he said amounted to “discrimination” and ultimately led to his decision to leave the organisation.
Read more: Employee claims manager called him a ‘burden’ after requesting no-pay leave for rare illness
