SINGAPORE: A woman recently shared that she is suffering from severe trauma after ending an abusive two-year relationship with her older boyfriend. She is now seeking advice on how to protect herself legally and recover money she says she was forced to transfer to him out of fear.
In an anonymous post on the NUSWhispers Facebook page on Thursday (Nov 6), she explained that her ex-partner, who is more than five years older, had been “extremely insecure” throughout their relationship. He frequently brought up her past relationships and accused her of cheating, even though there was no basis for the claims.
The woman added that although the two of them usually went Dutch on expenses, he still implied that she was a “gold digger” or “sugar baby.” He also lived in her house for most of the relationship.
“Whenever he threw a fit, he would break my things,” she wrote. “I’ve had multiple appliances damaged because of his anger.”
The couple also worked together in sales and shared commissions on deals. However, the woman said he constantly told her that she would be “nothing” without him, claiming credit for her professional success.
Tired of all the manipulation and abuse, the woman tried to end the relationship.
“When I tried to end things, he demanded that I transfer all my savings to him so he would ‘leave me alone.’ Out of fear (he’s been violent before), I actually did it, but after that he refused to leave and continued staying rent-free,” she said.
“When I brought up breaking up again, he strangled me and demanded even more money, saying it was “rightfully his”, citing the time and energy he invested in me and the relationship.”
The woman said that he had hit her multiple times before, and she had given in to his demands only because she feared the situation would worsen.
Now that the relationship has officially ended, she shared that her ex continues to message her, saying that he wants to “meet and talk” or that he is “nearby” her home. She also claims he is withholding money from their shared work account.
“I’m having severe PTSD and am very afraid that he would appear in front of me again. I just want to be free of him. What can I do legally or practically to protect myself and get him out of my life completely? Is there also any way to recover the money I transferred to him under pressure?” she asked netizens.
“Any advice — especially from people who’ve dealt with abusive or manipulative exes — would mean a lot right now.”
“It’s best that you surround yourself with people so that you won’t be alone with him.”
Out of concern for her safety, many netizens urged the woman to report the matter to the police.
One commenter advised, “Please file a police report if you continue receiving violent abuse from him. Also, settle any financial matters if you owe him money from the relationship. Once everything is resolved, please leave for the sake of your mental health and well-being. Please let your family know so that they can protect you. Sorry to say that he is a MAJOR RED FLAG & TOXIC.”
Another commented, “Get a PPO (Personal Protection Order) and also call the cops if he tries to do it again.”
Several others encouraged her to inform her friends and family about the situation or even consider moving to a different location for her safety.
One added, “It’s best that you surround yourself with people so that you won’t be alone with him. And inform HDB that you want him out of your house immediately. Lastly, change jobs. Inform your family members so that they are aware and protect you from harm.”
MSF: Reach out for help
The Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) urges anyone who is experiencing abuse or knows someone in danger to seek help by contacting the National Anti-Violence & Sexual Harassment Helpline at 1800-777-0000 or by submitting an online report.
Read also: Woman asks, ‘Is it just me, or has ‘just a quick dinner’ turned into a S$30 outing now?’
