SINGAPORE: A woman who lives in a landed property has confessed online that she is now seriously questioning her relationship after attending a Chinese New Year reunion dinner at her boyfriend’s family home, a three-room HDB flat, and finding the whole experience rather unsettling.
Writing anonymously on a local forum, she said she had always been aware that they came from different socioeconomic backgrounds.
Even so, she insisted it never truly “bothered” her. He is, in her words, the “sweetest” and “most hardworking” man she has ever met, and she loves him dearly. She genuinely believed that any differences between them could be worked through.
However, that confidence wobbled the moment she stepped into his home.
“I knew he stayed in a 3-room HDB, but seeing it in person was a total culture shock,” she said.
“The moment I stepped in, I felt so out of place. The house was so cramped, and the smell of cooking oil was everywhere because the kitchen is right next to the living room. His parents don’t speak a word of English, only very loud, broken Hokkien/Mandarin. I tried my best to smile and use my limited Hokkien to communicate with them.”
What truly rattled her, however, was the behaviour of his father.
She had dressed in what she believed to be respectful and appropriate designer attire for the occasion. Despite that, his father spent much of the dinner staring at her and making remarks in Hokkien about her looks.
“He made some comments in Hokkien like, ‘Wah, your gf so ‘swee,’ body also very ‘tok kong.’ ‘You better make her pregnant faster, so she don’t run away.’ Then he winked and made some hand gestures that made me feel so violated.”
The worst part, she said, was that everyone else laughed. His siblings laughed. His mother laughed. Even her boyfriend merely chuckled and told his father to eat more.
“I felt so cheap,” she wrote. “Now I’m caught in a dilemma. I love my BF, but I’m thinking about our future. If we get married, my parents (who are very refined/particular about etiquette) have to sit across the table from a man who makes sexual jokes about his own daughter-in-law? Is this what life is going to be like? I dunno how both of our families can mingle in future.”
The woman also admitted that she was naive for thinking that “love conquers all.”
At the end of her post, she asked the online community, “Am I being a classist snob for being bothered by the 3-room flat and the lack of manners, or am I right to be scared? I feel like such a horrible person for even thinking about these things, but I honestly don’t know who to talk to without sounding like a judgmental person.”
“Please don’t roast me as an entitled princess, as I’m already feeling like trash, so I appreciate constructive comments and advice to help me clear my mind.”
“Love is not enough.”
Within hours, the woman’s post had drawn more than 400 upvotes and 230 comments from Singaporean Reddit users.
Many urged her to have an honest conversation with her boyfriend about her concerns, particularly her father’s behaviour during the visit.
“Talk to your boyfriend about it,” one Redditor said. “Be honest. Communicate clearly and tell him how uncomfortable you felt. You don’t need to live with your bf’s parents if you get married. However, you need to tell your boyfriend that if you get married, you will not want his parents to move in. Make it clear. Communicate.”
“It’s not the house but definitely the etiquette,” another chimed in. “As a girl, I feel uncomfortable just reading your post. You should honestly talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you are not okay with it… If he brushes it under the rug and says that’s how his family is, etc., that’s when you really have to be worried.”
Others advised the woman to end the relationship. One said, “Run. My in-law’s flat is dirty and gross, and every time I step inside, I can’t believe I allowed myself to even sleep over there in the past. Needless to say, I find myself wishing every visit to their place to be over the minute I step in. Love is not enough.”
A few users, however, criticised the woman for her classist remarks. One told her, “It’s 2026, and you’re still bothered by class issues. Be honest with yourself. Internally, you look down on him because of his background.”
Another remarked, “I don’t understand the need to mention HDB and landed. Not all HDB dwellers behave like this. Likewise, not all landed people are good-mannered, refined people lol.”
In other news, a Singaporean shared on social media that she was shocked after hearing her friend confidently state that she would only accept a job that pays more than S$10,000 a month.
“[She] hasn’t even gotten a job offer yet, [but] she casually said she’s only going to accept something that pays more than S$10,000/month. I was like… huh? That’s a pretty bold stance to take, considering how competitive the job market is right now.”
