SINGAPORE: A woman recently shared online that she ended a budding relationship after realising she couldn’t bring herself to live in her boyfriend’s former matrimonial home.
Posting on Reddit, the 35-year-old explained that both she and her 39–year-old boyfriend owned HDB flats. She had purchased a four-room unit in the Canberra area last year as a single owner, while her boyfriend was in the process of taking over full ownership of a four-room flat in the east, which he had previously lived in with his ex-wife.
Since HDB regulations don’t allow couples to each own a flat, the pair had to discuss what to do next. That’s when things got tricky.
According to her, she didn’t want to give up her flat to move in with him. The idea of living in a space that had been part of a seven-year relationship didn’t sit well with her.
“I was not keen by the idea that he’s lived there with his ex for over 5 years, together for 7 years?” she wrote. “I wanted to avoid the emotional baggage that comes with it.”
Her boyfriend, however, wasn’t willing to part with his flat either. He felt it had better resale potential and that its value would appreciate significantly over time, while hers would likely stay about the same.
A friend, who knew about the situation, told her she was “being unreasonable” and suggested that they could simply renovate the space.
“He [my friend] was convinced that we could have spent some money on a complete makeover of his flat, i.e., hack the walls, floors, replace the furnitures, repaint the house, etc., to make it look as good as brand new but mentally, it still irks me knowing that they’ve shared the same space,” she wrote.
“I know some people are willing parties to buy over the ex’s share of the flat (good for you!!!), but it’s just not for me,” she added.
At the end of her post, she asked the Reddit community, “Was wondering if it’s normal to feel out of place, or am I over-reacting over something simple like this?”
“Memories within the four walls can be rewritten with the present.”
In the comments, many Singaporean Redditors strongly supported the woman’s decision to end the relationship.
“Your concerns are valid. Would be pretty complicated moving into his matrimonial home since all his memories with his ex-partner (and kids) were all created there,” one Redditor wrote. “If he doesn’t agree to moving elsewhere, you are better off with someone else.”
Another shared her own experience, writing, “I’m living with my BF in the home he lived in with his ex-wife and their children. My circumstances are a little different because it’s his family’s multi-gen legacy landed kinda type, but sometimes I still get a little sad and feel little bit like the outsider because some of her things are still here and there.”
A third said, “Nahh, you’re not overreacting or at least not for me, the thought of living in the same house as his ex-wife used to would give me the biggest ick.”
Still, not everyone saw things the same way. Several Redditors felt that the woman was indeed “overreacting,” and said it was “unfair” of her to expect the man to give up his flat simply because he had lived there with his family.
“As a female, I do think that it’s ridiculous to expect that from another guy. It’s not like you don’t have your own past relationships and baggages,” one Redditor added.
“Yes, it is a home he shared with his ex-wife, but memories within the four walls can be rewritten with the present. Personally, I’ll be able to accept a guy like that, but then again, I’m not the emotional type.”
In other news, an employer took to social media to share that her domestic helper refuses to care for her toddler, even when the child is sick or in distress.
Posting in the “Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper” Facebook group, the employer explained that she had clearly laid out her expectations when hiring the helper around five months ago.
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
