SINGAPORE: Transfers happen fast in Singapore homes. Sometimes within weeks. And when they do, the reasons are often explained away as “not a good fit.” But from one foreign domestic helper’s social media post a few years back, it suggests the problem runs deeper, beyond poor attitude or bad luck, to a quiet mismatch between what was promised and what actually awaits behind the closed front door.
Writing in a support group for domestic helpers, she pointed to a pattern she has seen repeatedly: neither side is fully upfront during interviews. Helpers, under pressure to secure a job, sometimes oversell their abilities. Employers, eager to fill a position quickly, may downplay the real scope of work. When reality finally arrives, disappointment sets in on both sides… and transfers then follow.
“Some of us, during interviews for this job, I suggest we should be honest enough to tell about our skills and knowledge of what our job requires,” she wrote. “Some of us, they would say, ‘I can cook, I can take care of a baby, I can take care of the elderly, but in the end, we are incapable.” She added, “Don’t even know how to feed an infant properly. Or even shower an infant, for instance. That’s where the problem starts.”
It is a candid admission that cuts against the usual narrative of blame. Instead of pointing fingers outward, the helper acknowledged the unspoken reality many in the sector understand: interviews are often aspirational, not accurate. Skills are listed broadly, expectations vaguely framed, and both sides hope things will somehow work out once the helper moves in.
But hope is a poor substitute for clarity.
The helper was equally direct about the employers’ role in the breakdown. She said families also need to be honest about household size, daily routines, and expectations. What is described as a three-person household with “occasional” visits from in-laws may, in practice, mean additional adults present most weekdays. “Even small things like these can cause the impression of dishonesty and bring about unhappiness,” she wrote.
This is where expectations and reality most often diverge. To an employer, an extra family member might feel like a minor detail. To a helper, it changes the workload, the rhythm of the day, and sometimes even the emotional atmosphere of the home. When those differences surface only after the contract has begun, trust erodes quickly.
The post also touched on a less-discussed option: training. Rather than scolding helpers for what they cannot do, she suggested employers consider sending them for formal courses if specific skills are needed. “Another thing, if you expect too much from a helper and she’s not capable, you can bring them to a training school,” she wrote, estimating the cost at “$200 atleast for 6 months or less,” with classes held twice a month or on Sundays. In Singapore terms, that would be about S$200, a relatively small sum compared with agency fees, transfer costs, or the disruption of replacing a helper altogether.
Her point was that if a household requires specialised infant or elderly care, it must either hire someone who already has those skills or invest in building them. Expecting one person to do everything well, immediately, is unrealistic. As she put it simply: “And note that not all helpers are multitasker who has the skill and knowledge all at once.”
What makes this reflection resonate is that it reframes the issue from individual failure to system tension. Many experienced, highly capable helpers are already settled with employers who value them. Those still searching are usually caught in a cycle of rushed interviews, vague promises, and unmet expectations. Agencies facilitate placements, but they cannot resolve honesty gaps if neither side feels safe being fully transparent.
“Dishonesty is a waste of effort, time, and money,” the helper concluded. “Honesty always leads to a great home of harmony.”
That line may sound idealistic, but it captures the real cost of misaligned expectations. Transfers are not just administrative inconveniences. They also disrupt employers’ households, emotionally stress out helpers, and reinforce a system in which everyone is always dissatisfied.
The question, then, is not why helpers keep transferring but why clarity is still treated as optional in a job that takes place inside someone’s home.
The post sparked discussion among helpers and employers alike. The responses suggest many recognised themselves in the scenario, a sign that this is less an isolated complaint and more a shared, unresolved reality.
Until interviews become less about saying the “right” thing and more about saying the true thing, expectations and reality will continue to miss each other. And Singapore homes will keep paying the price.
