SINGAPORE: A woman recently shared on social media that as she and her boyfriend inch closer to collecting the keys to their BTO flat, she has found herself doing some serious thinking about their relationship.
“A friend once told me that these are the few years I have to truly decide if this relationship is right for me. Thinking back, there are some things that still bother me,” she wrote on SGWhispers.
“When we first got together, I asked him about his phone passcode, because sometimes passcodes have meanings. He told me it was just a number that was easy to remember, but later I found out it was actually his ex-girlfriend’s birthdate, and [he didn’t change it] until I told him to.”
The woman also shared that throughout their relationship, her boyfriend has accepted follow requests from strangers on social media, followed them back, and even replied to messages from random women. “Whenever I brought it up, he would say he was just replying because he was curious [about] what they wanted from him.”
Arguments between them have been another major source of frustration. According to her, whenever they quarrel, he becomes extremely defensive, regardless of who is actually right or wrong.
“He also often brings up breaking up, and I usually end up being the one who apologises first. He rarely does,” she wrote.
Another issue that deeply affects her is his lack of communication and public acknowledgement of their relationship.
“He doesn’t text me the whole day sometimes, as he says he is busy with work, and he hardly posts about me on social media, even though he knows that it matters to me,” she wrote. “What makes it worse is that he used to post a lot about his ex, which makes me feel unimportant and compared.”
Moreover, she recounted a recent incident that left her feeling particularly hurt. “He went to drink with a friend, and I asked him if he could accompany me to go home, but he chose to go back with his friend instead of me, which [made me feel] disappointed.”
“All of these thoughts have been weighing on my mind, especially now that we are about to take such a big step together.”
“Don’t get married for the sake of getting married.”
Convinced that the boyfriend was taking advantage of the woman’s feelings, many netizens did not mince their words and told her to walk away from the relationship.
One netizen wrote, “He sounds like he is taking you for granted most of the time. You need to see how other couples talk and behave toward one another. Then you will see the contrast and how far south your relationship really is compared to the average. Long story short, it reads below average.”
Another echoed this sentiment, writing, “Please do not let the BTO be a trap to force both of you into marriage. It is not worth the pain of an unhappy marriage. It appears that he still cannot forget his first love, and she has something that you cannot match. I see that he is taking the relationship for granted, and he thinks that you will never break up with him since both of you have applied for the BTO.”
A third added, “Don’t get married for the sake of getting married. He’s not going to change; even if he does, it will only be for the worse. Use your brain, not your heart.”
Not everyone, however, was on the woman’s side. A smaller group of netizens felt that her behaviour raised red flags as well.
One said, “I’m sorry, but when you demanded for his phone passcode, that says a lot about you as a person and a girlfriend, and its’ not a pretty picture”
Beyond taking sides, some commenters offered more practical advice and urged the couple to slow things down and seek counselling instead of rushing into major decisions.
One netizen suggested, “Go for a couple counselling and marriage preparation course. It will help you greatly in discerning for yourself if both of you are indeed ready for the next stage of life. From there, you will gain clarity and be better informed of your decision. Marriage required honesty, openness, and commitment from both sides. It’s beyond just feelings alone because that’s not sufficient.”
In other news, a tourist’s glowing review of Singapore has drawn attention online after he praised the city-state for being unexpectedly clean, relaxed, and spacious, especially when compared with Chicago, the most recent city he lived in.
“I visited recently, [and] almost instantly it became starkly apparent to me how damn clean Singapore is,” he wrote in a post on the r/askSingapore forum on Tuesday (Jan 27). “Not only that, but the overall vibe felt insanely relaxed compared to what I’m used to.”
Read more: Tourist asks, ‘How is Singapore so ridiculously clean, relaxed, and spacious?’
