SINGAPORE: In the frenetic world of dating apps, an unassuming profile update can spur unexpectedly profound conversations about experiential decisions and life choices. One Singaporean female recently found this out the moment she altered her dating profile to include four intrepid words: “Looking for DINK partner.”
DINK – short for “Dual Income, No Kids.” This isn’t just a financial arrangement, but a way of life. Her profile used to perk up with responses and notifications from interested matches, but immediately after she made clear her penchant for a child-free future, the buzz slackened to a near-halt.
“Is it true that most guys want kids?” she asked Reddit, perplexed by the sudden drop in interest. “Living in Singapore for two is hard enough. Having one more sounds challenging.”
Her experience struck a nerve, and a torrent of reactions flowed in from men. Their viewpoints mirrored that the story behind this trend is a lot more complicated than a simple “yes” or “no” to having children.
A question of expectations
“For me personally, no,” one Redditor wrote, “but I think I’m in the minority. There’s social pressure on men to feel like they need to be a father and build a family to be seen as successful.” The netizen went on to add that men may nonchalantly say they want children, but that’s frequently without truthfully understanding the physical and emotional cost, costs that excessively fall on women.
Another Redditor weighed in with a self-aware slant: “We don’t have to go through the actual difficult parts like pregnancy, childbirth, and the risk of career loss. It’s easy to say we want kids when we won’t be the ones giving up so much.”
The lifestyle trade-off
However, not everybody in that conversation carries the banner of conventional family life. Several Redditors said that while they weren’t wholly against having children, they weren’t keen on compromising their present lives or mental well-being for the sake of fatherhood.
“I think having kids is a lifestyle change I’m not ready for,” wrote a man in his 30s. “Not in the near future at least… So, the logical conclusion I came to is DINK.”
Another added frankly, “Wanted, but couldn’t afford. Now happily married without.”
Also, even younger netizens, in their early 20s, resonated with the same concerns. One commenter said he and his partner had decided not to have children, not because they didn’t like the idea or just hate kids, but because they think the emotional and financial costs didn’t seem worth it. “I want to retire earlier, and if I ever make S$15k to S$25k a month, then maybe I’d reconsider.”
The emotional baggage of parenthood
A few commenters explored deeper into their personal history to explain their standpoint. One Redditor shared that he had been open with his partner from day one — no kids, ever. The reasons were a combination of personal ordeal and pragmatism.
“I grew up in a toxic family,” he wrote. “I’m still unlearning some toxic traits. It just doesn’t sit right with me to be a parent when I can’t even handle myself adequately yet.”
For him, having a child in his life at a time when he hadn’t yet overcome his childhood trauma is irresponsible. Another netizen said that he didn’t want his kid to get the same unbearable housing expenses: “I don’t like the idea of my hypothetical kid needing to pay potentially S$1 million for a four-room HDB.”
Parenthood as a choice, not a default
What’s obvious from the discussion is that a rising number of Singaporeans are starting to question the instinctive concept that parenthood is ‘a must.’ While the traditional expectations still run deep, there’s a silent change taking place — a reframing of achievement, closeness, and what it means to build a life together.
One Redditor wrapped it up seamlessly: “If I want to play with kids, I’ll go visit my sister’s or a friend’s, but raising one? That’s a commitment I’m not willing to take lightly.”
In a city as hectic and costly as Singapore, the DINK existence isn’t just a movement; it’s an echo of shifting priorities.
It appears that love doesn’t always come with a baby carriage or a high chair.
