SINGAPORE: Relationships are supposed to be about trust, communication, and sharing life’s ups and downs. But what happens when one person keeps their struggles locked away, leaving the other feeling helpless and alone?
A young woman in Singapore recently shared her heartbreak on social media, saying that no matter how hard she tries, her boyfriend repeatedly refuses to open up about his problems.
Posting on the r/SGexams forum on Saturday (Oct 18), she explained that whenever her boyfriend suddenly becomes upset, he shuts her out completely. Instead of sharing what’s wrong, he tells her she “wouldn’t understand even if he explained” and warns that she’d “only feel sad if she knew the real reason.” He also often insists he can “deal with it himself.”
The woman went on to share that she has done everything she can to reassure him that she loves him and is willing to listen without judgment.
Sometimes, the woman said, her boyfriend would reply with a simple “Okay,” giving her a bit of hope that he might finally open up.
However, it never actually happens. “This is exhausting and draining me a lot,” she expressed. “I had to reassure him again and again that I won’t leave that I choose him cause I love him, and he can open up to me so I can get to know him better.”
“[But] it seems like every day that he is with me, he is hurting, but I can’t seem to understand what I did wrong. For example, we can end our day so happily, and then at night, when I fall asleep, he gets extremely sad for no reason at all.”
Completely drained by this cycle, she asked the community, “I am lost on what to do. This is a mess. I want him to open up to me. What should I do?”
“I’m staying in this relationship because I really love this guy. He treats me better than anyone can, and I will always give in to him, but sometimes I feel like it’s too much, and I will try to tell him how I feel about it.”
“If he doesn’t want to open up, there is no way anybody can force him to.”
In the discussion thread, some Singaporean Redditors speculated that her boyfriend could be dealing with something serious, such as depression, and advised her to encourage him to seek professional help.
One said, “Maybe get him to check if he has mild depression or something?”
Another explained, “I think he just doesn’t want to make you deal with it as well because he feels it’s not your job to fix him, and it would be unfair to make you do everything. Maybe he has depression, or he’s had a history of people leaving him, so he’s just subconsciously worried you’ll do the same one day.”
A third wrote, “If he doesn’t want to open up, there is no way anybody can force him to. There is something even you won’t open up to your parents. Doesn’t mean you don’t trust or love your parents.”
A fourth suggested, “Maybe try just validating him, guys often times just want to feel appreciated, like they mean something to someone. It’s not about ego, but sometimes we can feel very alone.”
Seeking help
If you or someone you know has been struggling with depression for a while, don’t hesitate to seek help. You can reach out to Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) at 1767, Silver Ribbon Singapore at 6385-3714, or the Institute of Mental Health’s Mental Health Hotline at 6389-2222.
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