SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman who gave up her career to care for her child took to social media to vent about her husband, who, instead of being supportive, appears to treat her like an emotional punching bag whenever “things don’t go well for him at work or in life.”
In an anonymous post on the SGWhispers Facebook page on Tuesday (Mar 24), she said his bad moods often land squarely on her, and not in a mild way. There have been times when he threw things at her and hurled insults, even going as far as to call her “good for nothing.”
She also shared that he is largely absent as a father. “He is a very hands-off father, saying he is too tired to engage with the baby after work. Yet, if his friends ask him out, he will go.”
While he does provide a monthly allowance for her and her parents, with her mother helping out with childcare, she made it clear that money does not magically make up for the way he behaves. Financial support is one thing, but basic respect is another.
“I feel exhausted, disappointed, and unappreciated,” she lamented. “I gave up my career to care for our child, but I don’t feel valued for the sacrifices I have made for the family.”
Fed up and looking for some sanity check, she asked others, “If you were in my position, would you choose to divorce or stay for the sake of the baby? Is this what marriage/parenthood is supposed to feel like?”
“Do you want your child to grow up in an abusive environment?”
In the comments, many said her husband “sounds stressed,” pointing out that he is giving an allowance to both her and her parents while also handling the bills on his own. Some also guessed he might be helping his own parents financially, which could be adding to the pressure.
That said, they made it clear that stress is not an excuse to take it out on her. A number of people suggested that she try to build her financial independence again by going back to work, whether full-time, part-time, or freelance.
One wrote, “Find a job ASAP. Find income. Get your child to school; your mum can help to provide standby assistance in the event of your kid falling sick, etc. When you gain back your financial independence, see if things get better and reevaluate. Not saying stay for the kid, but rather, don’t be rash and prioritise the child too.”
Another advised, “It’s not easy for a typical Asian man to shoulder the entire burden of financing a family. Choose a time when he’s comfortable to offer to go back to work, so both of you can work hard at making your family life better. Marriage is a partnership for life. There’s only going forward, and it’s up to both of you to find out how.”
Others, however, were more blunt and said she should just leave.
“Your husband is toxic and abusive. If he throws things at you, that is being physically violent. You are being abused,” one user wrote. “Contact a lawyer and run for your life. Do you want your child to grow up in an abusive environment? Do you want your child to think that that kind of behaviour is normal? Do you want your child to grow up being treated the same way?”
In other news, a 26-year-old woman shared on social media that her parents have been persistently guilt-tripping her over her new relationship and are upset that she plans to travel overseas with her boyfriend.
In a post on r/sgdatingscene, the woman said this is apparently because they “still love her ex,” whom she dated for five years.
