SINGAPORE: A 28-year-old man from Singapore recently shared on Reddit that his parents cancelled all Christmas gatherings they were supposed to attend this year because they felt embarrassed by his “lack of achievements compared to his cousins.”
The man posted his story on Reddit’s Ask Singapore forum and explained that his parents had always set extremely high expectations for him. They had hoped he would become a lawyer, a doctor, or work in a high-profile career in accounting or finance.
According to him, most of his relatives hold prestigious positions such as CEOs, CFOs, COOs, or are founders and owners of successful businesses. Even his cousins, he said, have impressive careers that earn them respect and admiration within the family.
Unfortunately, he had never met those expectations. After graduating with a low GPA, he found himself in a job that he described as “low-paying” and lacking prestige.
Matters worsened when he made a serious mistake at work that ultimately caused the company to shut down. He added that the incident became widely known in his professional circle because the company’s owner discussed the failure on podcasts and talk shows.
“All my relatives know about it as the owner went on to guest star in a couple of podcasts/talk shows on how not to do business using my work (but not my name) as a case study.”
The fallout from this event affected his relationship with his parents. He said that following the incident, his parents rarely spoke to him, and this holiday season, they finally expressed their long-held frustrations.
“They started screaming at me, saying how I am a complete embarrassment to them and that they can’t bear to face my relatives. They then went on ranting about how the cousins of my age are already doctors or department heads of MNCs and buying their first home or car while I’m jobless and whether I felt any shame and why can’t I be like them.”
Adding to the pressure, the man noted that he has an older sibling who is widely recognised in their field.
“Many Singaporeans know my sibling, especially if you work in his industry. My relatives have often compared his achievements to mine (or lack thereof), which causes me some grief.”
The man went on to share that this was the first time his parents had openly expressed their disappointment in his lack of accomplishments.
“I never thought my lack of achievements meant that much to them and this is the first time I have been told that they are embarrassed by me. Yes of course, I am embarrassed and have been living with anxiety and depression ever since I got fired and even before that, when I failed to graduate with distinction something all my cousins and relatives did.”
“Looking back now, I realised that they have been embarrassed by me for a long time as they usually take long holidays over Xmas or CNY or both, probably because they can’t face my relatives and achievements of their kids.”
Seeking advice and perspective, he asked the Reddit community for guidance. He wrote, “For all those who have been feeling the weight of high expectations from your family, how do you manage it, how do you move on?”
“Your parents are so shallow.”
In the discussion thread, many users criticised the man’s parents for placing such heavy expectations on him and for responding with cruelty and emotional abuse when he didn’t meet them.
One commenter wrote, “I don’t think your situation calls for solutions to manage your family’s high expectations. They are the ones failing you. You’re their child and instead of supporting you, they crap on you and they compare you to others to make you feel worse. Screw their expectations; they are TERRIBLE parents.”
Another user said that if they were in the man’s position, they would cut ties with the family and “just become a monk,” adding, “All this fame and need to fulfil others’ desire is not an appealing life for me. Your only choice seems to be leaving this family since they feel your presence is unwelcome.”
A third remarked, “Your parents are so shallow; life is more than what you have.”
A few others also left him words of support and encouragement. One told him, “You’re not alone in feeling this way, even if it feels isolating right now. Please be kind to yourself — the fact that you’re still trying, reflecting, and reaching out already says more about you than any title or comparison ever could.”
Another advised, “Ignore them and if you can’t, move out. Parents who truly love you would not only not find you an embarrassment, but also support you through this difficult time. Your parents sound incredibly toxic and unsupportive, which will only make it even harder for you to get out of this rut.”
In other news, a Singaporean employee took to social media to share that his company has not been reimbursing him for transportation costs he paid out of pocket while delivering items for work.
In a post on the r/askSingapore forum, the employee revealed that he graduated with a degree in Business Management and currently works as a Business Operations/Project Coordinator.
