SINGAPORE: A 25-year-old man has turned to Reddit for advice after his mother began pressuring him to end his relationship, citing his girlfriend’s allegedly “poorer background” as the main reason for her disapproval.
Sharing his dilemma on the r/sgdatingscene forum, the man explained that he comes from a relatively “well-off, traditional Chinese-Indonesian family.” While he stressed that his family would not be considered “rich” by Singapore standards, especially after some family members experienced retrenchments, he said they are still able to “live comfortably.”
His girlfriend, however, comes from a very different background. The 23-year-old is a Burmese national currently working in Singapore on an S Pass. According to the man, this has become a major point of contention for his mother, who views the young woman as unsuitable despite her family being financially stable.
“She’s poorer, but not so poor,” he wrote, adding that his girlfriend’s family owns cars in their home country and apartments in Thailand.
While his father’s side of the family has been relatively supportive so far, the man fears that this may not last, given his mother’s firm and vocal opposition. He shared that his mother has been adamant about him dating an “Indonesian girl” instead, citing the need to carry on the family’s roots and traditions.
“My mum [has been pressuring me to date] an Indonesian girl to carry on family roots etc,” he wrote. “But I do not want to do that as I see myself as a Singaporean and not an Indonesian, as I have served 2 years of National Service, and I am proud of it.”
“Also, they have been trying to set me up with an unhealthy Indonesian girl that is really not good-looking just so their family can be together. They are not rich, by the way, probably same wealth status as my GF.”
The ongoing conflict has also taken an emotional toll on his girlfriend. He shared that she has grown increasingly tired of feeling unwelcome by his family and has confided that if she is ultimately rejected, she would “avoid returning to Singapore” altogether, as the country would only remind her of the relationship.
“Mum is quite stubborn, so I do not know how to win the fight,” he said. “Do note that this r/s has only been 2 weeks, and today, my family will be coming back from Indonesia to speak to me about this, but I feel the worst is yet to come. I can’t say I am scared, but I just don’t know how to counter this, so if [you have] any advice, please send it here. Thanks!”
“You should be the one dictating who you want to spend the rest of your life with.”
In the comments, opinions were divided. One Redditor remarked that the post “sounded like a mummy’s boy problem” and suggested that the relationship was unlikely to survive if the man continued to defer to his family’s wishes.
“If you don’t have the backbone to forgo your family’s wealth and forge your own future with your gf, I’d suggest you continue staying in your mother’s shadow,” the commenter wrote bluntly.
Another commented, “Can’t say much if the relationship is only 2 weeks old, though, but then again, you should be the one dictating who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Not some random girls your mum pushes to you because she feels it’s what she wants.”
A third commenter told him, “Sir, you’re an adult. I get how overbearing Indonesian Chinese mums can be; it’s on you to wean off your mum’s control. Be firm.”
A fourth added, “Two weeks into the relationship and you are stressing. Come back again 2 years later, and if you are facing the same problem.”
In other news, a woman who had been mentally preparing herself to resign from her job has since had a sobering change of heart after realising that the so-called “failsafe jobs” she thought she could fall back on are no longer as readily available as before.
“I’ve worked in retail before as a student last time with long hours and shift work, and I can survive,” she wrote. “It was always a “failsafe” for me, but today I went to two different job portals to take a look, and to my horror, these roles, which I term as “failsafe,” are not abundant at all.”
