SINGAPORE: A woman has set off a lively debate online after sharing that her mum has a habit of relentlessly criticising her boyfriend.
Writing on the r/askSingapore forum on Saturday (Mar 21), she said her mum often starts by asking seemingly harmless questions about her boyfriend, only to turn them into criticism moments later.
For instance, when asked whether her boyfriend goes clubbing, she replied “yes” and was promptly told that he “seems flirty” and that she should be careful around him.
The irony, she pointed out, is that she goes clubbing more often than he does.
According to her, this behaviour is not new. She said her mum treated her previous boyfriend in much the same way, often speaking poorly of him behind his back and subtly trying to steer her away from the relationship.
“She’s just narcissistic and judgmental,” the woman said of her mum, adding that she doubts her mum will ever change because she is “uneducated” and has a “narrow worldview.”
Seeking advice, she asked the online community, “How do I deal with an infuriating parent?”
“Communication is key.”
The post quickly drew mixed responses from other users, with some encouraging her to set boundaries by limiting what she shares.
One commenter suggested keeping conversations surface-level to avoid unnecessary tension. “Keep the peace and learn how to avoid discussing your boyfriend with your mum. Don’t have to get into conversations you don’t want to.”
Another recommended putting her mum on an “information diet.”
“Keep her on an information diet. Stop reacting to whatever she says,” they said. “If she asks, ‘Does he club a lot?’ say, ‘We usually go together’ (even if you don’t). Even then, she’ll probably insist you can do better. Just say ‘ok’ and move on. Don’t debate her or have your BF interact too much with her.”
A third shared, “Wonder if mothers have this weird hold on their daughters, always crossing the boundary. My mother started to ask invasive questions about my social life and what I am doing on Friday night, not in a parent checking on a child way, but in a kaypoh way. When I got married, she was so sad and reluctant that she started distancing herself from me.”
A fourth, meanwhile, advised moving out if possible. “If you can and for your mental well-being, just move out. This is the ultimate goal for having such a parent. Not worth saving such a relationship unless the parent changes for the better.”
Still, not everyone saw the mum as the villain. Some users felt her comments could be coming from a place of concern.
One said, “She’s just speaking from experience and wants to avoid you getting hurt, but too much is bad as well. Communication is key. Single mums are on the rise, whether you like it or not; try to understand her concern.”
Another commented, “It sounds like you’re quite judgmental of your mum as well, saying that she’s uneducated and has a narrow worldview. But it sounds like she has enough sense/respect for people that she would be polite to your partners still? I don’t know, stuff like saying your boyfriend is very flirty because he clubs a lot and to be careful of him sounds like pretty reasonable/normal advice from the frame of parents?”
In other news, a 22-year-old Singaporean turned to Reddit to vent his frustration and seek advice after months of dealing with his 20-year-old sister, who refuses to contribute to household chores and appears to spend most of her time going out with friends or entertaining herself at home.
In his post titled “My sister is a bum. Advice, please!” the man explained that his sister is the only other person he can count on, given that their grandmother, who lives with them, is already old.
