SINGAPORE: A local man who says he has been paying for almost everything in his relationship is beginning to question whether it might be time to leave.
On Wednesday (Mar 4), he posted on the r/sgdatingscene forum, saying that throughout their relationship, he has been the one footing the bill for their meals, his girlfriend’s nail appointments, and various outings.
“I’m okay being generous,” he wrote. “But it sometimes feels like she doesn’t really consider my wallet or show empathy towards it.”
He added that whenever conversations about finances or investments come up, his girlfriend tends to brush them aside. According to him, she usually responds with something along the lines of, “You’re better at finance; you’ll handle family finances next time.”
“It feels like she avoids accountability or responsibility in those areas,” he said.
Beyond the financial imbalance, the man also said the relationship has been “emotionally draining” because his girlfriend can be quite controlling, which he believes comes from her insecurities. He claimed that she previously told him she was uncomfortable with him joining run clubs or gym classes. She also allegedly got upset when he attended networking events.
Even small things can turn into arguments, he said, including occasions when he forgets to inform her that he grabbed a meal with friends after a workout.
“I realised maybe it stems from unresolved issues or insecurity on her side. But it has been draining,” he said. “To be fair, she has changed somewhat, and things have improved. But I still feel she’s quite dependent on me and can be controlling. The ‘good morning/good night’ texts and constant updates about my whereabouts feel more like a chore than something I genuinely want to do. I also feel like I don’t have much personal space.”
He also shared that he does not feel his efforts are reciprocated in the relationship. For example, whenever his girlfriend is injured or having a bad day, he makes the effort to bring her to the clinic or send her food to cheer her up. However, when he is the one going through a difficult time, he said he rarely receives the same kind of care or support in return.
He recalled one particular instance that left him feeling disappointed. “When I joined 2XU runs, she didn’t really show support. Once, she asked me to meet her at the MRT instead of coming to the event area because it was too crowded. I didn’t feel supported, and yes—we argued about that too.”
Despite everything he shared about the relationship, the man admitted that he is not completely blameless. He acknowledged that during heated arguments, he sometimes says things he deeply regrets.
“I sometimes insult or belittle her out of anger. I regret it deeply afterwards. Who hurts someone they love like that? She stays calm and forgives me, but I know words stick. This pattern has been happening for months,” he said.
“Part of me feels she deserves better. Part of me feels like the relationship might already be over because once contempt enters, it’s hard to reverse.”
“Cut it off before you sink more money into it.”
In the discussion thread, many commenters criticised the man’s girlfriend, saying her behaviour was a “red flag.”
One pointed out, “This is a huge red flag. You are not her credit card to pay for everything. A guy and a girl should mentally take equal responsibility for the house, finances, etc., when it comes to long-term relationships, so that both people know that the other will back them up in times of need in terms of finances/responsibilities. You should call it quits.”
Another commenter said that if the couple could no longer resolve their differences or find a compromise, it might be better to end the relationship instead of dragging it out. “If you feel that you can no longer settle the differences with a compromise or work it out, don’t prolong the pain and end the relationship for each other’s sake.”
A third remarked, “There is clear contempt. Cut it off before you sink more money into it.”
However, not everyone immediately advised him to leave. One commenter suggested that before making a final decision, he should take some time to reflect on how the relationship truly makes him feel.
They asked him to consider several questions: “Do you feel loved, cared for, being shown consideration, supported, seen, heard, understood, and witnessed repair efforts and real changes after communicating your needs and emotional labour from your partner? Like you matter? Or do you observe convenient love, lack of effort, being taken for granted?”
In other news, a Singaporean finance professional based in London has expressed his frustration online, saying it feels unfair that companies in Singapore tend to “demote” returning locals like him, while British expats receive far better treatment with relocation packages and other benefits.
“Relocation packages don’t seem to be the norm for returning Singaporeans but are somehow offered to expats moving to Singapore. Background-wise, I studied in the UK for uni (Oxbridge) and started my career here, so I’m pretty much the same on paper as a British expat in Singapore.”
