SINGAPORE: A helper was scolded in public. She talked back. Now she may be sent home. That was the heart of a January 1, 2025, report in The Independent Singapore.
The helper posted in the MDW in Singapore Facebook group on Dec 31 last year. She said, “I felt so embarrassed, so I answered her back, and she (employer) was really not happy. Then she wanted to send me back home. Right now, they are looking for a new helper, and I think they will just send me back.”
Her worry was urgent. “What should I do to prepare before they kick me out of the house at the last minute? … I still want to work in Singapore,” she sought an answer before it was too late.
The comments that followed showed the usual split. Some urged her to apologise, even if she felt wronged. One person wrote, “Apologise to them, even if it’s not your fault… even if they have provoked you publicly.” The same commenter added, “We can’t control their thoughts, actions and behaviours, but at least we can control ours by keeping our mouths closed…”
Others backed the helper. One shared, “Truth be told, when I was in SG before, I bore all my employer’s tantrums every time she was not happy with small things I did that she disliked! Until my patience ran out, I managed to talk back to her. Who cares if they are an employer?”
Between these lines sits a bigger question: why do expectations and reality clash so easily in employer–helpline homes?
Many employers expect calm, silent help. They expect respect, even under stress. Helpers, on the other hand, expect to be corrected if need be in private. They expect basic dignity. Because when either side feels exposed or disrespected, pride kicks in. Words come out fast. Trust drains out even faster.
Not to mention the power gap between their employers makes things harder for helpers, who depend on housing, pay, and the right to stay in one household in Singapore. An employer, too, carries similar pressure. Childcare, eldercare, long work hours. Tension builds in small, daily moments.
When a scolding happens in public, it is more about than that one mistake. It is also about a disrespectful tone and a loss of face and control.
The law allows either side to end the contract early. The Ministry of Manpower (MOM) states that both employers and domestic helpers may terminate the contract upon serving the required notice period or paying in lieu of notice.
It is not a breach if done properly. Employers must also clear all unpaid wages before the helper leaves. Failing to do so breaks the Employment of Foreign Manpower Act.
So the system allows a clean break. But real life is rarely clean. In many homes, neither side starts out wanting conflict. Employers want help they can trust. Helpers want a steady income and fair treatment. Yet daily friction builds when rules are unclear, or emotions spill into public spaces.
This case is not rare. It is quite common. A sharp word. A hurt reply. A threat to send someone home. The harder question is this: in a relationship shaped by unequal power, what does respect look like on both sides?
An apology may save a job. Silence may keep the peace. But long-term peace in homes works better when expectations are spoken about early and calmly. Corrections stay private. Anger cools before words are thrown.
For this helper, the next step may be practical. Prepare documents. Check notice terms. Reach out to an agency if needed. But the deeper issue goes beyond one contract.
In many Singapore homes, employer–helper ties sit in a grey zone. It is work, but it is also personal. It is professional, yet lived out in kitchens and living rooms. When expectations and reality drift apart, small conflicts feel large. And sometimes, one public scolding is enough to end a job.
