SINGAPORE: A woman has confessed on social media that she is exhausted and financially strained after supporting her unemployed best friend for the past three years.
In a post on the r/askSingapore Reddit forum on Sunday (Jan 11), the woman detailed her predicament, explaining that her 33-year-old best friend has been out of work since quitting her job as a preschool teacher four years ago.
“She quit her job as a preschool teacher because her then boyfriend (broken up already) said it had no future and the pay was low,” the woman wrote.
“And because she was bonded and didn’t complete the bond, she never got her diploma (was under a private company that was sponsoring her), and because she doesn’t have a diploma, it has been hard for her to get a job in Singapore.”
The woman added she had repeatedly tried to encourage her best friend to take steps towards rebuilding her career, including picking up new skills, enrolling in part-time diplomas, or exploring alternative training options.
However, her attempts were mostly met with resistance.
“She sometimes will consider looking if I also look with her, but otherwise she often says it’s pointless and it’s better to just die,” the woman said.
Things took a turn three years ago when her friend’s savings were completely depleted. With no family or other sources of support to rely on, the woman stepped in to cover all her living expenses, including rent and daily necessities.
“I haven’t been able to save anything in these three years since I’ve been helping her,” she said. “I don’t know how to motivate her to study something or to even just get a part-time job at least. And courses in Singapore can sometimes be pricey for a full diploma, and I’m poor as heck lately.”
The woman also disclosed that she cannot just cut off her financial assistance entirely, as her friend may harm herself. “[This is] what she always says whenever she realises she’s stuck. I can’t have that on my conscience, to be honest.”
Ending her post, she asked fellow Redditors if they had any advice on affordable or heavily subsidised courses that could help her friend get back on her feet.
“Even at the risk of losing your friendship, you need to stop this.”
In the comments, many Redditors suggested that the friend’s lack of motivation might have everything to do with the fact that she’s been financially supported for years.
“Why would anybody be motivated to earn a living if they have had their own expenses paid by others for years?” one asked.
“That’s not your bestie. Besties don’t take advantage of each other. Seems like she’s super lazy and entitled,” another wrote. “There’s no excuse. She’s a woman, so it’s easier to find jobs. Retail, admin, childcare, and healthcare are some of the jobs more catered to women. If she’s looking for a high-paying job, then my advice is don’t be deluded. Even uni and graduate graduates are finding it hard.”
“You are an ‘enabler’,” a third added. “Even at the risk of losing your friendship, you need to stop this. It will come to the same ending anyway. Why drag it out?”
Others, however, took a more sympathetic view and speculated that the unemployed friend could be struggling with depression.
One explained, “Your first priority as a friend isn’t to pay her bills but help her move on. She sounds like she has depression.”
“First, don’t broach further about learning new skills or diplomas. Instead, nudge her to go out there and find a job. Any job. Fairprice and F&B are always hiring. Get her to look there. She can also go back to her old job if that option is still open to her. She is probably lacking a sense of worth and purpose. Giving her those back will be step one.”
In other news, a frustrated fresh grad took to social media to rant that after breaking his back to land a “prestigious” job at one of the Big Four firms, he ended up dealing with bosses who seemed more obsessed with his outfit choices than the actual work he was doing.
In an anonymous confession on the NUSWhispers Facebook page on Friday (Oct 31), the fresh grad said his bosses, whom he described as “toxic as hell”, had reprimanded him for wearing a plain T-shirt on a Friday, even though there were no client meetings or important events scheduled.
