SINGAPORE: “At what point does it start feeling like a financial strain? Especially when one person starts expecting the other to pay for everything,” one Singaporean posed the ultimate question we’ve all either thought about, argued over, or flat-out avoided.
In a Reddit thread that quickly turned into a National Day-level discussion, one man shared a relatable dilemma: His ex-girlfriend started treating his money like it was her own, expecting a monthly “allowance” and full financial coverage for everything from café dates to birthday gifts and even short trips.
How much do you guys usually spend on your partner monthly? And when does it become too much?
byu/Wild_Ad6291 inaskSingapore
“It got to a point where I felt more like a provider than a partner, and it became mentally and financially draining,” he lamented. The comments section then exploded, with perspectives from students, married couples, accountants, and romantics who’ve either paid the price or drawn the line.
“Whoever has money can cover the expenses first…”
One commenter shared their journey from their student days to marriage, saying it started 50-50 but evolved into a more flexible approach:
“Whoever has money can cover the expenses first… but we never asked the other person to make any repayment.”
Now, the partner pays for everything due to unstable income. The key here is communication.
“Just because someone is okay to do something at the start doesn’t mean that they are always okay to do it… Check in with each other to realign expectations.”
Pro tip: Don’t let resentment simmer like hot soup on high heat. Talk it out.
“Not everyone sees money the same way…”
“Not everyone sees money the same way,” another Redditor wisely pointed out, linking finances to love languages. Someone who prefers 50-50 might be “stingy” in your eyes, but could be offering acts of service, support, or quality time in return.
So before labelling your partner a freeloading moocher, maybe ask: Is she treating your wallet like a piggy bank, or just expressing love in a different currency?
One netizen dropped a: “RED FLAG!!! But first, did you communicate with your partner on how you feel about your financial situation??? Maybe you never say, so she just assumes you are happy to provide.”
Fair point. If you never set boundaries, you’re handing out free passes to Entitlement Island.
“My husband pays for 95% of everything…”
Reddit members were split. Some embraced the provider role proudly:
“My husband pays for 95% of everything… because he can,” said one commenter.
“Every time I try to pay, we engage in a PayNow war.”
(Yes, in Singapore, even financial battles are digital.)
“Whoever picks up lunch, the other picks up dinner…”
Let’s get one thing straight: splitting bills doesn’t mean splitting hairs. While some couples swear by exact 50–50 arrangements (even down to the cent), others adopt a more relaxed give-and-take philosophy.
“Whoever picks up lunch, the other picks up dinner,” one said. “Big ticket items like flights and hotels—we’ll just go 50-50.”
Another added: “We don’t jijiao (calculate fussily) over money. For big expenses, we just see mood, lor.”
That’s Singaporean pragmatism at its finest.
So… “When does it become too much?”
Back to the Singaporean man’s question: When does it become too much?
Many Redditors weren’t so amused by the sugar-daddy dynamics. “If you’re wondering whether you’re spending too much, then you probably are,” said one.
“Spoil and care for your partner within your means… while still having enough to treat yourself and plan for the future.”
Another echoed the same: “It becomes too much when u cannot afford it, and it is affecting your plans… and when u start thinking about it and complaining to Reddit lol.”
A round of applause for that budgeting wisdom from our Reddit philosophers.
“She takes care of me, I take care of her…”
The issue isn’t just who earns more—it’s how you both spend, save, and communicate.
One couple tackled this by contributing a percentage of their salaries to a shared account: “That way, it’s fair because S$1,000 means something very different to someone earning S$3,000 compared to someone earning S$10,000.”
Another pair—one earning S$10K, the other S$2K—adopted the classic Singaporean spirit: “She takes care of me, I take care of her.”
At the end of the day, money talk is love talk. Financial expectations must match your lifestyle and goals, not just your love for BTO dreams.
Are you dating a partner or hiring an employee?
To all the romantics and realists out there: Don’t date someone who drains your life—or your savings account.
And remember, whether you’re splitting every bill like a certified public accountant or winging it like a hawker centre couple, the real currency of a relationship is respect.
So the next time someone expects a monthly allowance, ask yourself: Are you dating a partner, or hiring an employee?
Because even in love, boundaries = self-care.
