SINGAPORE: While his peers are busy travelling overseas, starting their own businesses, and buying HDB flats in preparation for marriage and family life, one Singaporean man says he feels as though he has been left behind.
Instead of building savings or planning for the future, he is juggling two jobs to keep the household afloat, paying the bills on behalf of his parents, who are currently unable to work.
The contrast between his life and those around him, he admits, is difficult to ignore.
Despite working long hours across two jobs, he says he survives on just S$550 to S$700 a month.
“I work hard, I do two long-hour jobs, and yet I can barely provide for my parents,” he lamented.
“Everyone around me seems to be making it in life, and I barely have any savings at the end of the month. Plus, I lost a ton of friends because I can’t afford to hang out with them repeatedly, and slowly, they stopped asking me out.”
In response to his story, one of The Independent Singapore users said, “Do not compare yourself with ‘friends’. Work on improving yourself, and be debt-free. That is the ultimate freedom.”
What the man seems to be wrestling with is something psychologists now call “milestone anxiety”, a feeling that is becoming increasingly common among millennials and Gen Z.
According to Psychology Today, milestone anxiety refers to the pressure individuals feel to reach certain traditional life milestones by a particular age.
These often include finding a long-term partner, progressing in one’s career, starting a family, and purchasing a home.
How can you deal with milestone anxiety?
Identify your own goals in life.
We are often told that by our late 20s we should have a stable, well-paying job, and by our 30s we should be starting a family and buying a home.
But pause and ask yourself this. Do you want these things because they genuinely matter to you, or are you chasing them simply because you see others achieving them and feel you should too?
Would they truly make you happy? What do you actually want to achieve in life? Taking the time to define your own goals, along with the small things that bring you joy, can help ground you and ease the pressure.
Look at the bigger picture.
Watching friends hit milestones on social media can be deeply discouraging. When that happens, take a step back and reflect.
Why does it affect you negatively? Why do you interpret someone else’s success as your own failure?
Just remember that social media only shows the “results” of others’ hard work, not their struggles behind the scenes.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
It may sound cliché, but comparison truly is the thief of joy.
According to Dr Claire Nakajima, a New York-based psychologist, constantly comparing yourself to others can not only sour relationships but also feed your insecurities, lower your self-esteem, and eventually lead to anxiety and depression.
It can also evoke negative feelings like remorse, guilt, and dissatisfaction and fuel destructive behaviours.
Focus on your own journey.
As much as possible, don’t get too caught up with other people’s journeys.
Once you have identified your goals, make a realistic plan for how you might get there. Be present. Spend time with your family, take your parents out for a meal, check in on friends, and reconnect with hobbies you may have neglected.
Living fully in the present, rather than chasing someone else’s timeline, is often where real contentment begins.
