SINGAPORE: A father with somewhat of a parenting problem recently sought advice from local Reddit users, saying that he would like his eight-year-old son to be more independent, but his wife and mother-in-law feel otherwise, saying it’s too early and that encouraging more independence can start in a couple of years.
The post author wrote that he has always taught his son, who is an only child, to do things on his own, such as showering, having meals, and carrying his school bag, as he believes these “small responsibilities” will help the boy’s confidence and self-reliance.
His wife and mother-in-law, however, carry his school bag for him and help him bathe and eat, which makes the boy’s dad sad sometimes.
However, his wife has told him that she is cherishing their son’s childhood as long as she can, adding that he will grow up quickly and become a teenager before they know it. She thinks that learning to be independent can start when their son is 10 years old.
The dad has National Service, which the boy will have to eventually serve, in view, and added that he worries about his learning “to stand on his own and coping independently.”
He added that he recognises his wife and mother-in-law can sometimes “baby” the boy out of love, but he still “can’t help worrying about how it might affect him in the long run.”
While the post has been taken down as it tended to be somewhat of a rant, many commenters still gave solid pieces of advice in the hopes of helping the family.
A Reddit user encouraged the post author to “train” his wife and mother-in-law, in the sense of giving them praise and positive reinforcement when they allowed the boy to become more independent, which would “make them enjoy seeing him grow.”
Another agreed, writing, “This. As a parent blessed with loving and doting grandparents, I’ve learned that we sometimes need to step in and remind them that their precious grandchildren are growing up and need space to develop independence. Grandparents also cannot override the parents’ instructions, no matter how well-intentioned they may be.”
“To add on, it seems the wife and grandparents are also learning to let go, because OP said sometimes they still baby the son, so if OP can see when they are doing the right thing and praise them, it’s much better than only noting down when they are doing the wrong thing. That grows resentment over time,” a commenter added.
Another advised the post author not to worry too much, as children will naturally grow into independence. They added that in school, young kids carry their bags on their own, since there is no way that a teacher would do it for them.
Others commended the dad, saying that his desire to see his son grow in independence is good parenting, encouraging him to also praise the boy whenever he takes steps in that direction. /TISG
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