SINGAPORE: A domestic helper has turned to social media to share the emotional toll of working under what she described as a constantly critical employer, saying daily remarks about her work and intelligence that have left her emotionally hurt and uncertain about her future.
Posting in the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid/Domestic Helper group, the helper said she wanted to “open my heart and share my feelings” after experiencing a stark contrast between her previous and current employers.
“When I say I already cleaned it, they ask again, ‘Are you sure you cleaned it?’”
At her previous employer’s house, she worked from 6:30 a.m. to 8:00 p.m., caring for “four adults and two children.” The expectations, she said, were clear and reasonable. “They only expected the house to be kept clean,” she explained, adding that requests were made politely, with phrases like, “Please do this” or “Please do that.”
If she was busy and requested to complete a task the next day, her employers “understood and accepted it.” This experience, she said, feels worlds apart from her current situation.
At her current employer’s house, her working hours stretch from 6:00 a.m. until “10:00 or sometimes 10:30 p.m.” Every day, all windows must be kept open throughout the day, as her employers “do not like using fans.”
When they return home, she said she is frequently questioned: “Did you clean this?” or “Did you clean that?” Even after she answers yes, she is asked again, “Are you sure you cleaned it?”
She added that her employers then check her work by “wiping tables and cupboards with their hands,” something that happens “almost every day.”
“Almost every day, they look for one problem or another to complain about…”
The helper said the constant scrutiny has become exhausting. “Almost every day, they look for one problem or another to complain about,” she wrote.
She also pointed out what she feels is an impossible standard. “No matter how much I clean, I believe dust will always exist in any house. That is normal for every home.”
The criticism does not stop at housekeeping. Cooking, she said, has become another daily source of tension.
“I am told things like, ‘You don’t cook with your heart,’ and ‘When you do something, you should use your brain…’”
According to the post, her employers also comment almost every day that the food is “too salty or not salty enough.” This, she said, is especially painful given her past experience.
“In my previous employer’s house, everyone liked my cooking,” she wrote. Even when the extended family visited, “They ate the food I cooked.” She described herself as “someone who can cook many kinds of dishes.”
Yet in her current home, she is told things like, “You don’t cook with your heart,” and “When you do something, you should use your brain.”
The helper expressed that “Hearing these words really hurts me.”
“I am wondering whether I should continue staying or change to another house…”
With her two-year contract ending in May, the helper added that she is torn about what to do next. “I am wondering whether I should continue staying or change to another house,” she wrote, adding that she worries “whether other houses will be the same as this one.”
That uncertainty led her to seek advice from others in the group.
“Do not dwell on the people who look at us as slaves. Know your worth…”
Many commenters were ever ready to share their own experiences and encouragement.
One said, “Same with my current employer. When I was new to them, she also kept asking me if I wiped or not. Then, one day, when she asked me again, I just gave her the wipe cloth and told her to try wiping it herself and to come back in 2 hours to see if it was still dusty. After that happened, she never asked me again. Now it’s been 15 years I’m working with them.”
Another urged a clean break: “In my experience, you should change employers. Don’t work at a place that makes you feel not enough and unappreciated, even if you’re trying your best.”
A third offered practical advice ahead of a transfer, suggesting that during interviews, helpers should ask potential employers questions “based on your past experience to understand their priorities and expectations.”
One commenter advised, “Do not dwell on the people who look at us as slaves. Know your worth.”
For now, the helper’s post has tapped into shared experiences among many who recognise the emotional strain behind closed doors, where criticism is constant, and appreciation feels painfully absent.
Read related: Maid says, ‘My “perfectionist” employer wants me to cut all the vegetables the same size, like a professional chef’
