SINGAPORE: A 30-year-old man who is the sole breadwinner for his family has turned to social media to share that he feels “like he’s being suffocated” under the weight of caring for his elderly parents.
In a post on SGWhispers, the man explained that he is financially supporting both parents, who are in their 70s and have no independent income.
“My dad is an old-school patriarch who stopped working more than 20 years ago,” he wrote, adding that his father once gambled away all his part-time job earnings.
His mother, he added, only completed primary school, cannot speak English, and has spent years enabling his father’s behaviour. “She caters to his every whim. She’ll even pull the window blinds for him while he’s sitting right next to them.”
As both parents are unable to handle administrative matters, bills, or medical instructions, the man said he has taken on full responsibility for these tasks. He has spoken to a social worker, secured referrals for respite care, purchased a wheelchair for emergencies, and is installing sensors, cameras, and emergency alarms at home.
However, his efforts have repeatedly been met with resistance from his mother. Whenever he proposes a solution, she insists that his father will not want it or will not use it.
When he bought a wheelchair, she said it was too small and that his father would not like it. When he suggested daycare or respite care, she said he would not want to go or allow strangers into the home.
“Despite me being the only one working to keep this family afloat, she tells me I cannot go overseas or have a life because she cannot handle it alone, yet she shuts down every support system I try to set up to help her handle it,” he said.
Reflecting on his circumstances, the man said that if he were less bound by cultural expectations, he would have left his parents a long time ago.
“If I were less Asian, I would have walked away years ago. He didn’t provide for me; he took from me. Now I’m the 24/7 administrator, chauffeur, and crisis manager.”
Seeking advice, he asked, “Anyone with similar experience? How do you convince a traditional mother that safety trumps the boss’s ego? How do you reclaim your life when you’re the sole provider but also an emotional hostage?”
“You are paying for everything, just do it your way.”
In the comments section, several netizens advised the man to either stand his ground and not let his mother dictate his decisions or to leave the household.
One said, “Sorry ah….who is the one with the resources ah? You right? Then what right does your mum have to direct you here and there?”
“I am a very practical and realistic person. If I hold the resources, then I do it my way. You are paying for everything, just do it your way. If your mom doesn’t like it, she can follow your dad to the daycare.”
Another chimed in, “You are too passive. Take charge and have everything organised. Don’t be guilt-trapped, I have been through it, not easy, but that’s the only way to keep sane.”
A third commented, “I don’t understand, why are you letting your parents control your free will. Don’t you have legs? Just walk out the house, live your life.”
“We Singaporeans Chinese are taught to support our parents till old (majority have no retirement plans or financial knowledge), we younger generations suffer from this.”
In other news, a Vietnamese woman has drawn criticism online after asking on social media whether it would be “crazy” to move to Singapore without first securing a job.
In a post on the r/askSingapore forum on Friday (Feb 6), she shared that she has been working in high finance in New York for the past four years, specifically in real estate investing at a large institution.
Read more: Is it crazy? Vietnamese finance worker’s plan to move to Singapore without a job divides netizens
