SINGAPORE: A man took to NUSWhispers on Wednesday (Jun 25) to share that he feels stuck in a toxic and emotionally draining relationship with a girlfriend who threatens to harm herself whenever he tries to walk away.
In the post, he explained that they’ve been together for a few years now, but over time, the relationship has become increasingly unhealthy. Every time he tries to break things off, his girlfriend responds by threatening self-harm, saying she would “die” if he leaves her.
He shared that he had even started seeing other girls, hoping it would push her to finally let go. But instead of backing off, she turned it around on him, accusing him of “cheating” and making him feel guilty for trying to move on.
The situation has reportedly escalated at work as well, where they are colleagues. He recalled an incident where she had a full-blown meltdown in the office.
“[She was] screaming, shouting, and even threatening to jump,” he said. “I feel completely stuck. I really want to leave this relationship, but every time I try, it escalates. Things have only gotten worse — she doesn’t trust me anymore.”
According to him, she now constantly monitors his online activity, especially his Instagram and WhatsApp. It has reached a point where he feels like she always knows exactly when he’s online, almost too coincidentally. He even wondered if she had planted a tracker on his phone.
The man admitted that there’s another girl he likes. They’re currently seeing each other, but unfortunately because of his obsessive girlfriend, he can’t message her on WhatsApp.
“I’ve had to switch to other social media apps just to talk to her. I really like her, and I know she deserves a clear answer from me too. But because of this messy and draining situationship I’m stuck in, I can’t give her one right now. Deep down, I know I want out of my current relationship — and sometimes, I just wish I could be single again and have peace.”
Recently, his girlfriend has also asked to meet the girl he’s been seeing, suggesting that “all three of them” should have a talk. But he believes it’s just another attempt to control and manipulate the situation.
He also mentioned that while his girlfriend has repeatedly threatened suicide over the years, she has never attempted it. His friends believe she’s faking her depression to keep him from leaving. In contrast, he says he’s now the one who feels mentally and emotionally drained.
“My friends are aware of what I’m going through. Some have advised me to report her threats to the police, as emotional blackmail and suicide threats are serious but I just don’t want things to turn out ugly or to even reach there,” he wrote.
“They’ve told me that if she ever goes berserk again, they’ll help me report her. The reality is, I don’t think she will ever let me go — and I’m afraid of what she might do if I leave. I feel drained and cornered.”
At the end of his post, he asked netizens, “Has anyone been through something like this? How do you walk away from a toxic relationship when the other person uses threats and emotional manipulation to keep you there?”
“It may seem harsh but maybe you need to ghost her and cut off all contact.”
In the comments section, many netizens encouraged the man to take control of the situation and prioritise his well-being. One suggested, “Just tell your gf you don’t see a future with her because [list out all her toxic traits that you have no way of dealing with or accepting]. Then end the relationship formally by blocking her everywhere.
“Then start your new life afresh. There is nothing she can do except turn up at your doorstep but you can call the police for that. Even better, the legal consequences of her own actions will settle the problem for you. Best of luck.”
Another echoed the sentiment, writing, “It may seem harsh but maybe you need to ghost her and cut off all contact. And plan it. Look for another job, make sure leading up no one besides HR knows that you are leaving. Block her from your socials, whatsapp and messaging service.”
A third pointed out, “You need to set your own boundaries as well, and you’re not doing that, plus she’s manipulating you to keep you stuck in hers. Better to call it quits now before it lingers on, because the consequences later might be even more drastic.”
Helping someone in distress
The Institute of Mental Health (IMH) advises anyone who believes someone is in immediate danger to call 999. If you think it’s safe, you can also take the person to the nearest hospital emergency department for medical attention.
If you suspect that someone has attempted suicide, do not leave them alone. Stay with them and seek help from a trained professional as quickly as possible.
For round-the-clock support, you can contact: Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) Helpline: 1800 221 4444 (24 hours) or IMH Mental Health Helpline: 6389 2222 (24 hours).
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
