SINGAPORE: After nearly three years of heated arguments that repeatedly end with raised voices and hurt feelings, one Singaporean man has begun questioning whether his relationship with his girlfriend is heading anywhere at all.
In a post on the r/sgdatingscene subreddit, the man explained that while he and his 28-year-old girlfriend are on good terms most of the time, things tend to go downhill whenever stress enters the picture.
“She likes to pick on my shortcomings when things are not going the way she wanted with regards to her work, family or finances,” he wrote. “I’m more of a calm, nonchalant person during arguments but she’s the angsty, tempered type, this means yelling, scolding, crying and throwing things.”
According to him, his girlfriend has expressed many times that she wants a partner who is gentle, attentive, and able to stay by her side to soothe her when she is upset. However, he admitted that he does not fit that role. “I usually just ignore whatever she is mad about if she starts to yell and do my own thing,” he said.
On his end, the man said he longs for a partner who is “soft-spoken” and able to communicate her emotions calmly during disagreements.
Despite this clear mismatch, the couple has continued dating for almost three years, breaking up and making up multiple times over the exact same issue.
“We argue about one to two times a month,” he said, adding that every attempt to fix things somehow ends with them right back where they started.
Now older and feeling the pressure of real-life decisions, the man said he has begun thinking seriously about settling down, getting married, and starting a family.
“At this stage, we are not entirely sure we want to settle down with each other and we don’t have any plans either,” he continued.
“I don’t want to be yelled at and scolded for the rest of my life every time we argue. And I’m sure she doesn’t want to settle down with someone who ignores her and walks away whenever she’s angry either.”
Stuck between familiarity and frustration, he turned to Reddit to ask for advice, wondering if there were any realistic solutions beyond breaking up for good.
“I understand it might be a compatibility issue,” he wrote. “I’m just thinking if there’s any other solution than ending things.”
“1-2 arguments per month is not healthy.”
His post quickly struck a nerve online, prompting a wave of reactions from readers who were blunt in their assessment of the relationship. Many told the man that the relationship “is not healthy at all” and urged him to consider breaking up before the situation worsened.
“If she is already yelling and scolding now, it’s not going to get any better in the future,” one individual wrote. “If you already know you two are not compatible, wouldn’t it be better to just part ways now? Don’t let sunk cost fallacy dictate your decisions; do what’s best for you.”
“You’re probably the guy that doesn’t mind sleeping despite having an argument with the thinking that you can talk about it tomorrow while she is the kind to settle it asap before sleeping,” another chimed in. “Go with your gut, and from what I see, your gut is saying she’s probably not the one. Don’t stay just because you have put alot into this relationship.”
A third added, “I get that argument is part of a relationship, but 1-2 arguments per month is not healthy in my opinion.”
A few, however, suggested trying therapy before calling it quits. One said, “It’s a learned behaviour. Try to seek a relationship coach. Not cheap, but rewiring the pattern takes time. This is a good opportunity, as both of you realise the area to improve. It will help not just in your relationship but in other areas as well.”
In other news, a young woman has taken to social media to share her frustration after her parents told her she would “be struck by lightning” for failing to invite them on an overseas trip she had planned for herself.
Posting anonymously on the NUSWhispers Facebook page on Sunday (Dec 14), the daughter said she had long dreamed of travelling overseas and had spent years saving up and planning for a trip next year. She was especially excited to finally have the means to visit Europe and shared the news with her parents.
