SINGAPORE: A 22-year-old Singaporean turned to Reddit to vent his frustration and seek advice after months of dealing with his 20-year-old sister, who refuses to contribute to household chores and appears to spend most of her time going out with friends or entertaining herself at home.
In his post titled “My sister is a bum. Advice, please!” the man explained that his sister is the only other person he can count on, given that their grandmother, who lives with them, is already old.
However, his pleas for her to help around the house have been consistently ignored. “I’ve tried asking her nicely many times, but she tends to procrastinate or ignore the issue,” he said, clearly at his wits’ end.
“She usually wakes up late, like around 2 p.m., and often goes out with her friends late into the night. When she comes home, she just doomscrolls or watches Netflix or plays Roblox with her friends too late. If she isn’t out, she’s usually occupied elsewhere and still doesn’t help with chores.”
The man added that, in the past, when he was still in the army and had more free time, he used to handle all the chores.
But things have since changed, he said. He’s now studying at Nanyang Technological University while also working as a private tutor to support himself.
“It’s just becoming very frustrating that I still have to spend my limited free time doing all the household chores,” he wrote. “I genuinely don’t understand it. I’m trying to hustle, work hard, and improve myself, while it feels like she’s doing the opposite—letting herself go and refusing to take responsibility for even basic things.”
He continued, “Her room is frequently messy and sometimes smells, and it feels like the burden of maintaining the home falls almost entirely on me. What frustrates me most is that it doesn’t seem like she’s overwhelmed with work or studies (she is just waiting for graduation in poly) either.”
The man went on to share that this situation has started to take a toll on his mental health. “I feel increasingly resentful about the situation. To put it in layman’s terms. I’m tired of this bum behaviour. I really sometimes wish she knew how much of a burden she is to me. I’m really… really tired….”
“Tell her you are overwhelmed.”
In the comments, a few users told him that, as the older brother, he needs to exert his authority more over his sister.
One said, “Can’t you exert a bit of pressure on her as the older brother? It’s unacceptable behaviour not to share the load with you. My mother used to assign a fixed role for her children…one would be responsible for washing dishes…one for sweeping the floor, etc.”
Another commented, “Are you able to limit her access to something? Like pocket money or something that’s a want and not a need. If you still have the capacity, maybe try talking to her again, but ask her why. Tell her you are overwhelmed and feel the heavy burden, and ask why she doesn’t seem willing to support the house with you.”
“If she won’t listen to words, you may have to escalate to more drastic measures, but it will probably build resentment on both ends.”
Some, however, wrote that judging from the way his sister is acting, she could have “depression.”
One user suggested that perhaps his sister “isn’t working on anything meaningful” or “not studying what she wants,” hence why she doesn’t have the energy to be productive.
“Find something that she wants to get better at and empower her to keep doing it,” they advised.
Another chimed in, “I agree with this 100%. More often than not, we rush to judge people without knowing the full reason behind their actions. Outside of this, how is your relationship with your sister? Do you eat meals together occasionally? Do you know what’s going on in her life?”
“Compliment her on the little things she does, like putting away her plate. Building rapport is the best way to encourage action, not building resentment.”
In other news, a man ended up loathing his “provider mindset” after he racked up S$8,000 in debt from financially supporting his two ex-girlfriends.
In a Reddit post titled “In S$8000 debt because of love,” the man opened up about his dating history and admitted that looking back now, he feels embarrassed at how much he gave away in the name of love.
Read more: ‘I paid for shelter, food, transport’ – Singaporean regrets racking up S$8k debt for ex-girlfriends
