SINGAPORE: A 28-year-old woman took to Reddit to ask if she should break up with her 30-year-old boyfriend, who, according to her, “often flares up at her in public.”
In a post on a local forum, she shared that they have been together for more than three years and even have a Build-To-Order flat coming up. At the start of their relationship, she said there were no obvious red flags. He seemed decent, fairly nice, and treated her well.
As time went on, though, things started to change. She said he slowly showed a different side of himself, and it eventually reached a point where he would talk loudly at her in public, pinch her, and even pull her hair when he got angry, sometimes over very small issues.
“Everytime it happens, obviously I don’t hit/shout back, I have to pacify him, and I will say sorry lol. I admit I don’t talk in the nicest way either and have my own flaws, but I don’t think it justifies a man doing such things towards a lady,” she wrote.
“Sometimes when he flares up, I just want to go to the toilet to hide and hope he walks away far.”
She also pointed out that he rarely takes the initiative to plan anything for special occasions or trips. Most of the time, she is the one planning birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and their travel itineraries. He has even asked why birthdays or Valentine’s Day need to be celebrated at all, saying he does not think it is necessary.
“During trips he also often asks, ‘Where do we go next?’ // ‘Why do we go to this place and waste time?’ // ‘There’s nothing to do there. Let’s go back to the accoms.’”
Moreover, the woman admitted that while her boyfriend has been “very excited to settle down” with her, she no longer feels the same.
“To be honest, I don’t think I foresee a future with him,” she said. “[The] issue also is we have BTO, so I’m in a dilemma on whether to give up this r/s or not. If I do, this also equates to giving up the BTO because HDB doesn’t really allow change in ownership now unless there are very extenuating circumstances.”
Seeking perspective, she asked other Redditors for advice. “Appreciate thoughts/views if any. Just ranting. Don’t know why I always land myself in such a situation. I feel like I don’t really trust love anymore. Honestly quite scarred right now but can’t really explain my situation to anyone (also because some friends are unaware that I’m attached).”
“Thanks for reading, and happy CNY!!! Using CNY to think about such stuffs is quite sad,” she added.
“It’s better to cut your losses early.”
Alarmed by her boyfriend’s violent nature, many Singaporean Redditors urged her to walk away from the relationship while they’re still not married.
One told her, “Yes, the physical abuse is not something you should put up with. It will get worse, I promise you. The HDB can always be given up at this point.”
“You can always get another one with another person who treats you kindly. And if you have to lose some deposit fee, etc., take it as an expensive life lesson. It’s okay to lose a little money for a life more deserving, okay?”
Another pointed out, “You need to understand this. If he does all of that to you, how would it impact your kids? If you don’t want this to happen to you in front of your future kids, then you know the answer to your situation.”
A third user shared that she had once been in a similar situation and regretted not walking away sooner.
She wrote, “Girl, I’ve been in the same situation! My ex was mentally abusive and always verbally shouted at me in public (loser) I actually let the situation drag on for much longer than I should have! And the only reason why I even stayed was because of sunk cost fallacy and the BTO.
“It’s better to cut your losses early than to let it drag on and waste your time! I’m still single after breaking up with that long-term relationship, but I have never been happier, and the post-breakup glow-up is real! You will look back and wonder why you didn’t break up earlier because no guy is worth tolerating.”
In other news, a 30-year-old woman who lost her entire savings, amounting to S$200,000, to an investment scam last year says this ‘downfall’ ultimately made her realise that life is incredibly fragile.
“Loss can happen in so many ways—money, love, divorce, miscarriage, cancer, ALS, losing loved ones,” she wrote on NUSWhispers. “The pain we go through isn’t something we get to choose. If it’s meant to happen, we can’t run from it.”
