SINGAPORE: On Thursday (July 17), an employer took to social media to share that her domestic helper refuses to care for her toddler, even when the child is sick or in distress.
Posting in the “Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper” Facebook group, the employer explained that she had clearly laid out her expectations when hiring the helper around five months ago.
The helper’s primary duty was to care for her three-year-old daughter on weekends, school holidays, and whenever the child was unwell or at home.
Routine household chores such as cleaning and cooking were to be done only during school hours, typically between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m.
Despite these clear instructions, the helper has allegedly continued to prioritise the housework, often at the expense of the child’s well-being.
“I’ve clearly told her that weekends and non-school days should be fully focused on my child, and she has the whole weekday to finish housework since the child is in school,” the employer wrote.
“But she still spends hours on weekends folding clothes, cleaning toilets, mopping, etc., and even leaves my toddler alone in the room for long periods. When I confronted her, she said she was ‘doing housework.’ I feel like she’s purposely overdoing chores to avoid engaging with my child.”
The employer also recounted some of the most distressing moments when the helper failed to act when her daughter needed immediate care.
“Recently, my daughter had diarrhoea. My helper told me she had soiled her diaper — but didn’t change it because ‘she didn’t want to.’ Same thing happened when she vomited — she left my daughter standing in the vomit and waited for me to handle it. I find this lack of initiative and common sense very frustrating.”
The employer also expressed concern about the helper’s inability to read her daughter’s basic cues, saying that even after five months, she still seems confused or irritated whenever the child struggles to express herself.
“She [my helper] keeps asking my daughter ‘what do you want?’ over and over — even when it’s obvious she’s tired, hungry or wants milk,” the employer said. “I’m unsure if it’s a language barrier or if she’s just frustrated, but I can sense a lack of patience and reluctance.”
The employer, who’s heavily pregnant at the moment, further shared that she sometimes needs physical assistance, such as carrying, calming or comforting her daughter, but said the helper seldom steps in to offer any support.
“My helper shows no initiative — just walks away or pushes the stroller like it’s not her job. It’s frustrating because I really need support at this stage,” she said.
Phone use has also become a frustrating issue. The employer mentioned that although her helper is given the entire night to use her phone freely after finishing her duties, she still ends up glued to it during the day, even when she’s supposed to be watching the child.
“She uses her handphone freely when I’m in the room, caring for my child — assuming it’s her ‘rest time,’ even though I brought my child in because she wasn’t doing her part,” the employer continued.
“I also recently found out she uses one side of her earpods even when sending/fetching my daughter to school, and sometimes when we’re out.”
Unable to change helpers at this stage of her pregnancy, the employer appealed to the community for advice.
She said, “I need some advice on how to better manage my helper. Honestly, I don’t have the time or energy to change helper now since I’m so close to delivering. But I’d really appreciate advice on how to set firmer boundaries and get her to understand her priorities better.”
“The best option is to find a better, reliable helper.”
In the comments section, several netizens urged the expectant mother to consider replacing her unreliable helper, warning that keeping someone she cannot depend on, especially with a second child arriving soon, would only add to her stress and make things more difficult.
“If you’re heavily pregnant and she still expects you to change the diaper then… red flag,” one comment read.
“I know the changing process will be damn tedious, but honestly… imagine having 2 kids and ZERO help when you need it most. Gonna be even more mentally draining and frustrating. PLUS! With the hormones all over the place, too.”
“I really think the best option is to find a better reliable helper and just get her replaced,” another said.
“Experienced helpers take less time to learn and know the basics well, and will be able to adapt within a week or so. There are better helpers around who really work well and take initiative to do it on their own.”
On the contrary, some commenters defended the helper, suggesting she might simply “lack experience in handling children.”
A fellow helper also weighed in, sharing, “You know why some helpers won’t take initiative when it comes to children? Because most of the parents misunderstand that gesture and call it interfering with their parenting ways.”
“It’s not that we don’t want to; we want to but are hesitant. Later, you say helpers cannot interfere with your parenting, but anyway, that’s case by case basis, yeah.”
In other news, a man has turned to the online community for advice after his wife grew increasingly unhappy with his decision to stop working full-time, despite the couple being financially stable.
In a post published on the r/SGHenry subreddit, the man, in his late 30s, explained that he and his wife have been married for five years and have been together for about a decade.
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
