SINGAPORE: A man who is facing an important crossroads about where (or rather, how) he and his wife will live took to Reddit to look for some advice, wondering, “Does long-distance marriage actually work?”
In his r/askSingapore post from Tuesday (Dec 16), he explained that he and his wife had been in a long-distance relationship for four of the six years they’ve been together, until finally marrying this year.
And although it’s been “tough but manageable” for them, the post author “was really happy because it felt like we could finally start married life without being apart.”
The problem is that his wife has just been headhunted for a job in London, with a pay 2.5 times her current salary.
“Career-wise, it’s a big opportunity,” he wrote, adding that his wife said she will only stay a maximum of three years.
“I’m quite conflicted. On one hand, I want to support her because she’s ambitious and driven (part of why I married her). On the other hand, I’m honestly not very keen to go back into long-distance marriage right after we just closed that chapter,” he wrote, adding that he’d “appreciate any thoughts or experiences.”
“Career seems to be the top priority, but who doesn’t want more money? She’s probably a talent, thus the headhunt and pay bump. Will you consider moving to London to support her career?” a commenter asked.
“Depends, everybody’s personality is different. Personally? I can’t. My husband leaves home to go to work 5 minutes away, and I already miss him. He’s my peace and pillar in an otherwise stressful life,” wrote another.
“A few years ago, I was headhunted for a position in the Middle East that would double my salary. I talked to my wife, and we agreed to not do it. The fundamental reason being ‘What’s the point of being married when the person is not there for you, during your good times and bad times?’” wrote a third.
“Not married here, but I feel that if both of you are highly independent people with high trust, it probably could work, but there’s a lot of risk involved in drifting apart, cause life just works that way sometimes,” another added.
In an edit, the post author wrote that while he’d consider relocating, realistically, it’s not possible for him right now as he still has around two years of bond left from his postgrad sponsorship, and breaking that would be a big financial hit.
In a comment, he added: “Personally, I’ll admit I’ve really enjoyed having her around this past year. We just bought a place and spent time setting it up together, and it’s been nice coming home to that after work. At the same time, I do recognise that this role would be a big step forward for her career and would help us financially for future family planning.” /TISG
