by Michael Han
A few years back, when my youngest came to me and told me that her friends called her ugly and that she ran funny, I told her that daddy had received the same treatment, too. We were in the same boat in an unkind world. Or maybe they are more clueless than unkind?
Ugly and weird have been the go-to response targeted at me over the years. And I have been rolling with the punches, choosing to walk on the lighter side of things. It was often water off a duck’s back as I let go and wished them well.
I realised bullies “mature” with age. There are school bullies and office bullies. At times. We ourselves are the bullies too; as spouses and parents, at home, or even in the office when we are given a little authority and power.
Titles maketh a man; at times, his head gets so big, he can’t see where he is going, and others get trampled upon.
Anyway, I recall giving my girl this advice about bullies when she first started primary school in 2017. It still resonates with me today.
“Dearest, there will always be bullies…in school, in life. But be brave. We are here as a family for you. When you feel sad, alone, think of us.
Think of mommy, daddy, kor kor and jie jie. Think of your lego set (which I just bought for her last night). Think of the good times together. That’s how you chase bullies away, where your heart is with us (resting my fingers on her chest).
Like mosquitoes, bullies come and go. You can’t stop them. But you can swipe them away like this (took her hand and swatted the air – did it a few times; she broke into a smile).
Remember, kor kor was bullied but he was brave. Jie jie was bullied but she was brave. They all went to school. Bullies won’t stop them from enjoying with friends who care. They have fun together.
You be brave too. Remember what Cinderella’s mommy told her…”Be kind and courageous”.
Yes, be kind to everyone you meet, even bullies. Your kindness will make them sad because they’re not having fun with you. And your courage will make you strong because you remember our love for you. Ok? (She nodded).”
We then hugged, and she went to school.
I brought this encounter up again because it truly takes courage and kindness to give us strength to face a clueless and often unkind world.
I believe the family is the first port of call for the victim. This family refers to a close-knit community too. When our boat is broken through riding the social storms, we should consciously row back and mend it at home.
As parents, we remind our kids that when stone and stone collide, they only create more sparks and heat. Unkindness begets unkindness. Greater is the person who returns kindness for unkindness.
Courage comes to our children when we encourage them with words of assurance. Our assurance is anchored on the virtue of kindness. And kindness expressed comes from a heart that is mature enough to see that bullies are broken too.
They struggle with the same need unfulfilled, that is, for understanding, for love, for hope, and for second chances. They often push themselves hard because they struggle to fill the hole in their heart.
I always believe that if you show a bully the sacrifice of love for him and continue to do so even when he rebels, one day, the prodigal in him will return for good.
He will be clueless no more because he has found a way to fill the hole in his heart, and that is the safe harbour of unconditional love.
This was first published on Mr Han’s Facebook page and reproduced with permission.
