SINGAPORE: A woman went on a social media platform to ask for advice from others on how to deal with two male colleagues whom she described as “extra misogynistic.”
In her post on Reddit, u/Big_Yesterday_5185 wrote that these men “feel the need to jump into every conversation with their own experience,” which is mostly just from their NS days.
“I hate it when they generalise the entire company of proper mature adults with what they experienced amongst testosterone filled 18 year old,” she wrote.
She noted that the men giving advice to women seem well regarded by the bosses, who see them as supportive and effective leaders, when in reality they tend to dominate situations.
Even their other male colleagues who have tried to call them out are steering clear of them.
She also gave examples of the remarks the men make, which include:
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Wah, lucky you never met my encik
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If you think it’s hard, you haven’t seen NS
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Aiya XXX (always a female they can’t get along with) is just lazy.”
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Females who put on makeup at work are not suitable for our industry
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I only want guys on my team
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Sorry, ladies, not letting you help because I want to be efficient
As well as what she called the award-winning remark, “Eh, period only what. Don’t weak leh.”
Apparently, mansplaining is a universal phenomenon, and the post author did well to ask for “comebacks or methods to deal with misogynistic bros,” which commenters on her post were only too eager to share.
One suggested she could say things like, “Didn’t you do NS like xx years ago? That’s your most relevant experience? Huh.” Or “NS seems to really have traumatised you, other guys seem to manage without regularly talking about it, even after xx years. Was it such a big struggle for you / Did you find it so hard to cope with NS?”
The commenter added, “As for period comments – ‘wah you must have had a lot of periods to have such grounded, factual opinions on them’.”
Another suggested she could say this: “My boyfriend is a regular. He and his fellow officers will look out for you on your next reservist.”
One said she could report to HR, especially if their other colleagues can back you up. “They have created a hostile work environment, and this can be considered gender-based harassment.”
“Some guys peak at NS,” a Reddit user observed.
What the experts say
When women’s competence is called into question by mansplainers, there are several strategies that women can employ.
One is to set boundaries when colleagues start giving unsolicited advice by saying things like “I’ve got it handled, thanks,” or “I’m familiar with that.”
Another thing that you can do is to turn the situation around by asking a mansplainer questions like “What makes you think I need help with this?” or, more gently, “Can you clarify what gap you’re seeing?”
The post author can also bring the issue up on a team level, get everyone on the same page by asking, “I’ve noticed we get a lot of unsolicited advice—can we align on when feedback is needed?”
However, for repeated behaviour that affects workplace performance, industry experts say it’s best to bring HR in. /TISG
Read also: SG actress calls out guy who tried to mansplain her ethnicity
