SINGAPORE: A fresh graduate has gone online to vent her frustration after her parents allegedly began panicking the moment she moved out of the family home.
According to her post on Reddit, her parents flat-out “refused to accept her decision” and took things further by threatening to “call the authorities or make a scene at her workplace” if she didn’t return home.
When she eventually got on a call with them, which dragged on for five hours, she said she was left both confused and mentally drained as their reactions kept shifting from one extreme to another.
“It developed from them crying and saying I abandoned them, to them begging me to come back, to them scolding me for being so cold-hearted, to them saying they have no purpose in life without me, if I want them to jump off their house, and that the only option I have is to move back now.”
Despite all the threats, the woman said she has no intention of moving back home or revealing her new address. “I did tell them I can go back home often and visit them, but they refused to accept it.”
She also explained why she chose to leave. Her parents, she said, had been counting on her as a sort of “retirement plan” because they had no savings at all.
“They have a business but never put anything aside because of their very lavish lifestyle. They could have been comfortable, but instead, they spent most of their income on travel and luxury. Their mindset was ‘work more, earn more, spend more,’ and they never stopped to think that as they got older, their energy and output would drop. Naturally, their earnings have been shrinking.”
With no savings and credit card debt piling up, she said her parents are still unwilling to cut back on luxuries. Their build-to-order flat hasn’t been fully paid off either. “I honestly feel like they were counting on me as their retirement plan. And I wouldn’t have minded if they had at least spent within their means,” she explained.
“They have told me before that the money I give them monthly is just ‘paying for my own food’ and doesn’t count as giving them an allowance, so why are they having a problem if I move out, because now the money becomes theirs, right? All of their demands just don’t make sense and really show how controlling they were.”
Moving out
A lot of overprotective parents struggle to accept that their children want to be independent and live on their own.
That is why Jessica Ryan, a moving expert and regular contributor to MoveAdvisor, suggests going in with a proper plan instead of winging it and hoping for the best.
Create a solid plan
Before saying anything, Ryan suggests creating a solid plan first. That means working out your moving budget, your expenses after relocating, and where exactly you plan to live.
Preferably, that location should be safe, affordable, and close enough to your workplace.
Also, sort out your living situation early. Decide if you are living alone, with a partner, or with a roommate. If it is a roommate you do not know, do background checks.
Pick the right timing
Dropping it casually out of nowhere is probably not going to go well. Ryan advises that you choose an appropriate time to break the news.
Pick a moment when they are relaxed, in a good mood, and not occupied with something else.
It is also advisable to tell them a couple of months before your move. That way, your parents can have time to process the news.
Choose the right setting
Avoid doing it in public or somewhere noisy where emotions can run high, and nobody can actually talk properly. A calm setting works best, like at home over dinner or during a quiet afternoon.
Break the news
Tell them everything: when you’re moving out, where you plan to live, and why you made this decision. When they ask questions, answer them honestly, or if they try to talk you out of it, stand your ground. If they say you cannot survive or support yourself, show them the numbers.
If they worry about your safety, walk them through your plans. Basically, if they raise a concern, be ready with an actual answer.
At the same time, do not dismiss their feelings. Remember, they are your parents, and they will worry and think about the worst-case scenarios. Just try to reassure them that you will be safe, even without them around.
Involve them
Ask for their advice, get their opinion on things, and let them feel like they are still part of your life decisions. According to Ryan, this can make it easier for them to accept the situation because they feel included and trusted, not pushed aside.
It can also be genuinely useful. They might have practical tips up their sleeves, help you organise your move, or even step in with packing and logistics.
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