SINGAPORE: A Singapore employer noticed a sudden change in her helper’s attitude after a year of smooth routine. Her helper now seemed withdrawn, and her tasks were done with visible displeasure. The mood at home also changed.
The employer then considered calling the helper’s agent to remove her from the house immediately. The Independent Singapore reported the case last month (Feb 7), with many readers advising the employer to carefully reflect on the helper’s situation before taking any drastic action against her.
Some readers pointed out that a helper’s behaviour in such cases rarely changes overnight without a reason. Others stressed that the employer should look at her own conduct first, before just looking at the helper’s attitude to see if there’s any connection.
One reader, a domestic helper herself, explained that many helpers hold back their feelings for long periods because speaking up to their employer isn’t always easy, so frustration silently builds within, and it eventually shows in their mood and tone, probably even without them realising it.
Nevertheless, it’s no excuse or a defence for any form of poor behaviour. It was just a note on how and why dissatisfaction, kept silent, gradually manifests itself in the most unpleasant way.
Sudden “attitude” is usually a delayed reaction
Most households don’t break down because of a single major incident. Problems tend to grow from small, daily misunderstandings or disagreements. For example:
- A missed comment or reaction
- A request was said the wrong way
- A thought or feeling is ignored
These moments repeated over weeks or months, stack up. What looks like a sudden “attitude” is usually a delayed reaction. As in this case, the employer also saw a sudden change in her helper’s attitude, but the helper had likely been unhappy for a long time, much earlier.
Replacing a “problematic” helper doesn’t fix the root cause of a problem
Domestic work sits in a unique household space. It is paid work, but it takes place in her employer’s own private home, and that, in itself, creates some stress for a helper far from her own home.
Employers may expect smooth work and respect from their helpers. Helpers may hope for a basic understanding from their employers and also a chance to speak to them openly. When either side feels unheard, the distance between them widens.
Replacing a “problematic” helper may seem like an easy, quick fix, as it removes discomfort instantly, but it doesn’t fix the root cause of a problem, and the same symptoms can recur with the next hire.
Giving helpers a sense of assurance, not just ensuring tasks are completed
Most readers of this case advised the employer against immediately removing the helper in such situations. They suggested a direct conversation instead. Comments were similar and consistent among many, in which they advised the employer to:
- Sit down together for a friendly chat
- Ask what is wrong to help
- Listen carefully to problems or misunderstandings without rushing to defend
The consensus was that a household helper issue shouldn’t be outsourced to an agent before attempting to resolve it at home.
Other Singapore employers are also becoming more aware that domestic work by helpers is better supported by daily interaction and by giving helpers a sense of assurance from employers, not just by ensuring tasks are completed.
Communicating to understand each other’s temperament
Most misunderstandings at home don’t require the drastic action that the employer, in this case, wants to resort to. They just need earlier, simpler steps, such as setting aside time to talk to the helper, even when everything seems fine.
But don’t overdo the time to talk either. Helpers may also feel smothered by excessive talking from their employers. Communicate to understand each other’s temperament in finding that balance. And don’t forget to:
- Keep instructions clear, and guidance respectful
- Check in as soon as possible when behaviour changes, not weeks later
- Fix small issues early before they turn into bigger ones later
Because in many homes, the real problem isn’t who is hired, but what is left unexpressed or uncommunicated.
Read related: When helpers start showing their ‘attitude’ towards you, it’s rarely just about the work; it’s more about what was left unsaid
