SINGAPORE: After adding up how much money he has given his girlfriend over the past four years, a 28-year-old man in Singapore turned to Reddit to ask whether he is being financially used.
Throughout their relationship, he said he has loaned her about S$6,000. In addition, he has been transferring five per cent of his monthly salary to her on a regular basis.
“She gets really pissed if I don’t give her the pocket money,” he said. “Am I being used financially? I do agree that there should be monthly support for your lesser-earning partner in marriage, but in the dating phase, is it common to do that?”
For context, the man shared that his girlfriend is a 29-year-old Chinese-Vietnamese woman who earns only about 15 per cent of what he does. They are in a long-distance relationship and meet just two to three times a year, which works out to about 20 days annually. When they do meet, he pays for approximately 80 to 90 per cent of their travel expenses.
Gift-wise, he said there hasn’t been anything too extravagant. There have been no luxury birthday, anniversary, or Christmas presents, and no particularly expensive dates.
The only regular gifts were around S$100 handbags or perfumes whenever they met, which was her idea and something they both agreed on. However, this year she told him she wants a new phone worth about S$2,000 and said she would give him a gift valued at roughly a quarter or half of that amount in return.
“Is this normal in RS, where partners earn significantly less than you or earn nothing at all?” he wrote. “There is no cheating involved, from what I know. And I’m not fat or ugly. Any input is appreciated!”
“Why do you even bother keeping track?”
In the comments, a number of users said they were stunned that it had taken the man four years to recognise that he was being used by his girlfriend.
“Dude took THIS long to realise or see the signs?” one said.
“Why would a girl ask her boyfriend to buy her an iPhone and pay for uni tuition fees? If you’re sure you’re getting married, then okay, but if it’s only the dating phase? Hmm,” another chimed in.
“LOL. Still asking when it’s so clear. Are Singaporean guys really this blur?” a third commented.
Others, however, turned the spotlight back on the man. They wondered why he was meticulously keeping tabs on the money he had given her and why he continued to provide financial support if he felt uneasy about it in the first place.
“Why do you even bother keeping track? Just treat it as a gift,” one commenter said. “Do you track the prices of all the iPhones/bags/whatever that you bought for your exes? If you can’t handle this, then get a local girlfriend who will split everything evenly with you.”
Another added, “If you feel you’ll be upset by giving it to her, just say no. I feel gift giving is part of a relationship as an expression of love, but it cannot be done freely if you feel it’s too much personally.
“If it’s beyond your means, it is beyond your means. Someone who values you for who you are might be disappointed but will still stay nonetheless.”
In other news, a local employer has taken to social media to share her shock after her domestic helper suddenly lost her temper and scolded her elderly mother during a heated moment at home.
Posting in the Complaint Singapore Facebook group, the employer recounted how the incident unfolded when her mother asked the helper to complete a task more quickly. The request appeared to trigger an emotional response.
According to the employer, the helper snapped and said, “WTF, I only have two hands and one body, and you want me to do something faster like a machine? Do it yourself!”
Read more: Employer shocked as maid scolds elderly mum: ‘My hands only 2, my body only 1! Do it yourself!’
