SINGAPORE: One bridesmaid says she is now considering rejecting all future bridesmaid offers after a horrid experience with a couple who not only referred to her as a “helper” but also gave her less than S$30 in angbao in exchange for her efforts.
On Thursday (Feb 5), she took to the r/askSingapore forum to share her “frustrating bridesmaid experience,” see if others had similar stories, and ask whether this was considered normal.
In her post, she explained that the couple was well-off, yet “they did not pay for her dress.” In addition, they also referred to her and the other bridesmaid “as helpers instead of friends.”
In terms of acknowledging their efforts, the couple also fell short. She said, “I received less than S$30 from the couple despite staying over at the bride’s house and waking up in the wee hours to assist her until the reception.”
“During the gate crash, the groom gave me just S$10. There were fewer than three bridesmaids.”
The bridesmaid also noted that she gave the couple “a few hundred dollars in angbao.”
“I know weddings are stressful, and I was there in my capacity as a friend to support her on her big day, but I felt so sh***y,” she wrote. “I honestly feel like rejecting future bridesmaid offers because of this. Is this kind of treatment normal for bridesmaids in Singapore?”
“S$30 in angbao money is foul”
The post quickly gained traction, amassing more than 470 upvotes and 218 comments in less than a day.
While opinions in the comments section were divided, the majority of users appeared to side with the bridesmaid.
Many criticised the couple, with some labelling them “cheapskates,” “selfish,” and “not good friends.”
One wrote, “You have a bad friend. Sorry, it was a costly lesson to learn. She and her husband seem like major cheapskates, and this would personally be enough for me to end the friendship. To be honest, Singapore wedding culture is low-key out of control. I despise how entitled some people feel to their friends’ money.”
Another shared, “I gave my bridesmaids S$180 each. I was so thankful for their efforts! Waking up early, making sure I looked pretty, preparing wedding items, and even lightening the mood because I was nervous and stressed af. I really appreciated them.”
A third said, “S$30 in angbao money is foul. It’s less about the amount and more about what it says about how your friend sees you. I’m pretty sure if the couple had treated you well and shown gratitude, you wouldn’t even have batted an eyelid at the amount.”
A fourth remarked, “To be honest, I wouldn’t expect my friend to give me angbao, but if they gave me S$10, I would laugh in their face (literally).”
Others, however, felt that the issue lay not with the couple, but with the bridesmaid, who they felt expected compensation.
One bluntly told the post author, “You were supposed to support your friend on her big day, but you expected to be compensated monetarily for it? You’re the one being petty.”
Another wrote, “You seem upset that you weren’t remunerated for your time. That is not a healthy mentality to have going into a wedding. If you feel so upset about the experience, perhaps you should reconsider being a bridesmaid in the future.”
A third added, “They asked for help. There was no contract or agreement stating you would be paid. Both parties acted in goodwill and friendship, so don’t complain.”
Ang bao rate for bridesmaids
Traditionally, married couples usually give monetary gifts, or “ang baos,” to the bridesmaids, groomsmen, and other folks who play a supportive role, such as photographers, coordinators, and drivers, as a token of appreciation for their assistance.
The amounts given to bridesmaids can vary significantly among couples; however, according to Her World Singapore, the standard range is typically between S$48 and S$150 per person. The exact amount tends to depend on factors such as whether the couple is paying for their outfits and the duties they’re taking on.
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