MALAYSIA/SINGAPORE: Early last year, when I wrote about a 28-year-old Malaysian woman who earns RM7,000 (S$2,000) a month but still faces pressure from her parents to work in Singapore because her earnings were simply not good enough for them, the story has now come back to me with Singaporeans reacting to it in an unexpected way.
The post, reported by us at The Independent Singapore, triggered a wave of comments from Singaporeans who also saw parts of their own lives reflected in it, as the Malaysian woman’s question was heartfelt and heavy: “Are children successful only if they ‘earn a lot and go far’?”
On top of earning RM7,000 a month, she lives on her own. She manages her own expenses, has free time for herself, and most importantly, she feels content with her life. That, however, just doesn’t work for her parents.
“My monthly salary is about RM7K, which is not much, but I can live a comfortable life,” she wrote. “I am single, I have my own space, and I have time to do what I like. I am very satisfied with my current life,” she explained further, but then, to her parents, that kind of personal satisfaction does not equal family success.
After graduation, the 28-year-old chose to stay in Malaysia rather than head anywhere overseas. Her parents saw this as a missed opportunity, so they kept urging her to look across the Causeway, where pay is higher, and career paths appear brighter.
“They always persuade me to develop in Singapore, saying that the salary there is high and there are many opportunities,” she said. “They also give examples of relatives whose children have gone abroad and settled down there,” she added.
This argument is similar to many in the region. Singapore salaries often look large next to Malaysian pay. A S$4,000 income, seen as average here, can feel life-changing elsewhere. From her parents’ view, the maths feels obvious, but for her, it does not, considering all the freedom and happiness she’s experiencing now in Malaysia.
“I like the city I am familiar with now, where I have my own pace of life, friends, and a sense of life,” she expressed, but money comes up often at home. Each visit turns tense. Each chit-chat circles back to the same point. “When are you moving to Singapore?” is the only question expecting an immediate answer that her parents are more interested in knowing than anything else.
“They think I am stubborn, but I think I am just sticking to my own choice,” their daughter, in emotional distress, said, which, over time, she had no other choice but to visit her parents’ home less to avoid arguments. Nevertheless, the silence that followed felt even heavier than the arguments themselves.
“The more they [parents] talked, the more silent I became, and the sadder I became,” she lamented, although she knows her parents mean well. She does not doubt their care, but she feels unseen. Unheard.
“They always say, ‘We are doing this for your own good.’ I believe they love me, but I also want them to know: I am not wasting my life, nor am I shirking my responsibilities,” she explained, adding that she works, she saves money, and she lives within her means, so she just wants her parents’ understanding and acceptance.
Her sad story resonated deeply among readers because it touched on a wider issue many Singaporeans understand well. The belief that success must look a certain way. That distance from home signals one’s progress, and that income alone defines one’s worth.
The Facebook comments on The Independent Singapore page, and Xuan‘s Facebook page, where it was originally posted, showed how divided views can be as well. One wrote, “S$2K is enough if you intend to stay single, but hope your parents are rich enough to pay their own medical bills and retirement!”
Another asked, “What’s stopping her from moving out to get her own privacy? Earning capacity is there…” while a harsher commenter questioned her life’s decision, “You xiao ah (are you crazy)? 7K ringgit per month only, is enough?”
One encouraging comment, among many others, told her that, “At 28, RM7,000 is already quite good. Don’t worry too much about what your family says; everyone has different opinions. Alternatively, you could sit down and explain to them that outside of Singapore, after deducting living expenses, food, and other costs, you’d actually save less than you would here in Malaysia. They might understand and then stop insisting on their own way. Good luck, sister!”
These replies reveal a hard truth. Many also judge life choices through fear. Fear of illness. Fear of old age. Fear of not having enough later. That fear often also drives parents. It then shapes how success is sold to children.
Her life’s story matters because it shows the cost of that pressure in having enough money, in strained ties, and in silent sadness. It asks whether well-meant advice can turn into control. It asks who gets to define a good or bad life.
She ended her post with a sincere request: “I am an only child, and I don’t know who to talk to, so I wrote this down here. I want to hear your thoughts.” And a year later, the question still remains online. It shows that success is not just about earning more or going further and further. It’s also about knowing when enough is enough.
