SINGAPORE: A Singaporean man took to social media to share his disappointment after realising that his parents’ love and approval depended heavily on his achievements in life.
In a post on the r/askSingapore subreddit on Tuesday (Dec 30), the man explained that his relationship with his parents was largely harmonious when he was meeting society’s expected milestones, from excelling academically and securing a stable job to dating “acceptable people,” getting married, applying for a BTO flat, starting a family and eventually upgrading to private property.
According to him, his parents were openly proud of his achievements. They praised him in front of relatives and friends, frequently held him up as an example of success, and appeared satisfied as long as he stayed on track.
In return, he practised filial piety by giving them generous allowances and buying them gifts, not only out of gratitude but also so they could “show off” his success to their friends.
However, the dynamic changed drastically when he hit a rough patch in life.
His parents, he wrote, began acting “angsty” towards him and made “passing, hurtful remarks” instead of being supportive.
When he did not recover as quickly as his parents expected, their attitude grew increasingly distant and, at times, openly “hostile.”
Reflecting on the experience, the man said it forced him to question whether he had ever truly shared a relationship with his parents beyond his achievements.
He felt they struggled to accept his “humanity” and only knew how to love him for his “role and performance,” rather than for who he truly was.
Curious if others had similar experiences, he asked: “Anyone else feels like your Singaporean parents don’t know the real you and don’t actually want a real relationship?”
“Just remember to have faith in yourself.”
The post quickly drew responses from other Reddit users, many of whom related to his experience. One Singaporean Redditor commented, “You’re their portfolio / investment. If portfolio / investment underperforms, the shareholders will be upset and angry.”
In response, the post author wrote, “Yeah, my dad side eyed me and said children are not always good investments. I guess he should have invested in some blue chip stocks instead of raising me.”
Others shared similar experiences of strained family relationships during difficult periods.
One user wrote, “When I got retrenched, my parents didn’t contact me for a couple of months. But suddenly, in front of relatives, they’re asking how I am and how concerned they are for me.”
Another commented, “I didn’t do well for my Os and I remember my dad being so disappointed in me and didn’t talk to me. Well I moved to a neighbourhood JC and somehow got my life back and got into business school. I will never forget those couple of years of coldness though.”
Some also recalled hurtful remarks they had received from their parents.
One user shared that their parents once told them that “raising a dog is better than raising you,” while another said their mum remarked that her “20-year-old rice cooker was much more useful” than they were.
Others, meanwhile, offered words of encouragement. One commenter wrote, “Hi stranger. As a mom, I want to tell you that you are absolutely worthy. It doesn’t matter what your birth parents think. Continue to be yourself, be happy, eat well and take care of yourself.”
Another added, “Many of us have our share of unreasonable or even abusive parents. Just remember to have faith in yourself. Never let anyone, not parents, siblings, relatives or friends, belittle you or your achievements.”
In other news, a young woman has found herself stuck in a painful dilemma after discovering that her boyfriend’s mother strongly disapproves of her because “she’s poor and doesn’t go to a Big 3 university.”
Taking to the r/SGexams subreddit to seek advice, the woman shared that while her boyfriend comes from a well-to-do family and attended “elite name-brand” schools, her own upbringing was the complete opposite.
