SINGAPORE: Just months after finally closing a long and exhausting chapter of long-distance marriage, one man now finds himself staring at the possibility of doing it all over again.
In a post shared online, the married Singaporean revealed that his wife had been headhunted for a role in London, paying around two and a half times her current salary, shortly after she returned to Singapore to settle down.
“I’m quite conflicted. On one hand I want to support her because she’s ambitious and driven (part of why I married her). On the other hand, I’m honestly not very keen to go back into long-distance marriage right after we just closed that chapter,“ he wrote on the r/askSingapore forum on Tuesday (Dec 16).
According to the post, the couple had been together for around six years before tying the knot, with nearly four of those years spent living apart. During that time, his wife worked in Scotland and Australia, flying back to Singapore only three to four times a year.
He added that while the arrangement was undeniably tough, it was manageable as both were highly independent and focused on building their careers. He himself also spent a year in London completing his postgraduate studies.
“LDR was tough but manageable for us,” he wrote. “This year she finally came back to SG and even took a pay cut so we could settle down properly. I was really happy because it felt like we could finally start married life without being apart.”
The new job offer, however, has reopened old wounds. His wife has said she would stay in London for a maximum of three years.
“I’d consider relocating, but realistically it’s not possible for me right now. I still have about 2 years of bond left from my postgrad sponsorship, and breaking that would be a big financial hit. On a more personal level, my career is in policy research, and it’s something I genuinely care about, so staying in SG to do this work just feels right to me.”
Feeling torn, the man ended his post by asking others to share their experiences with long-distance marriage, and whether it was something that could truly work in the long run. “Anyone here done long-distance marriage before? Did it work out? What made it work or fail? Anything you wish you had discussed earlier?”
“You can tell her that you don’t want to leave anymore and want to settle down.”
In the comments, several Singaporean Redditors encouraged the man to support his wife’s career goals.
“You have already survived the 1st LDR. Though painful, if you believe in her and the marriage, it will work,” one wrote. “Besides, you guys are already married. Don’t think of it as 3 yrs. You left 2 years on your bond. And she and you have the freedom to fly to visit each other. Look forward to a brighter future. She sacrificed once for you to stay in Singapore. Maybe you can do the same for her.”
Another said that stopping his wife might only breed resentment in the future. “Stop her from going and you’ll never hear the end of it. The fault is on you. You can clip her wings but can’t stop a bird that’s longing to fly.”
Others, however, strongly disagreed and felt that the wife should stay in Singapore.
One reminded him that time lost cannot be recovered. “Time is much more important than money,” the commenter wrote. “You can earn as much money as you want if you work hard. But you can never get back the time you lost.”
Another said, “If it’s not ok for you, it’s not. You can tell her that you don’t want to leave anymore and want to settle down. She doesn’t NEED the other job, does she? Maybe she should also think about the two of you settling down in SG permanently?”
A third added that if her wife is doing this “solely for financial reasons,” then she might better off staying in Singapore.
“Do be sure to triple-check your calculations!” they wrote. “I used to work there, and even though my gross pay was much higher than what I’d get in SG, I saved close to nothing. I also work with a lot of British expats who say they save much more and enjoy a higher standard of living here.”
In other news, a woman has claimed on social media that she witnessed a domestic helper neglecting a young child at a bus stop because she was distracted and “flirting” on her phone.
Posting in the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper Facebook group on Thursday (Dec 11), the woman said the child was standing dangerously close to the edge of the bus stop while buses were approaching, and alleged that the helper was more focused on her phone conversation than on the child’s safety.
Read more: ‘Flirting while working?’: Singapore woman alleges maid ignored child at bus stop
