SINGAPORE: This year, the concept of “performative male traits” went viral on TikTok and other social media platforms, with users poking fun at men who adopt certain habits to appear more attractive or cultured.
Common examples include treating matcha lattes like a personality trait, reading books by feminist authors in plain view, carrying minimalist tote bags, and using wired headphones to project a “soft intellectual” image.
Recently, however, one Singaporean man decided he had seen enough and wanted to “balance the discourse.” His attempt to do so involved introducing what he called “performative female behaviour,” and it did not go down well online.
In a post shared on r/sgdatingscene on Sunday (Nov 9), the man claimed that women who insist on “going Dutch or paying for themselves on dates” are not doing it out of fairness or independence, but to “virtue signal.”
He wrote, “The only reason women are paying for themselves is because of virtue signalling. ‘See? I paid for myself. I’m not like other girls who go out for guys as a free meal ticket.’”
He added, “But in truth? No woman actually wants to pay for herself on dates. That is why we have so many women come out saying they want guys with Provider Mindset.”
He also advised men that if their date allows them to cover the entire bill, they should avoid asking her to send her share later via PayNow, warning that doing so “ruins the vibe” and “gives off platonic energy.”
“You could have done super well on the date with her, looking forward to seeing you again, but you ruin it because you want to impose moral expectations for her to pay for herself on the date,” he said. “You’re also signalling to her you want things to stay platonic between the two of you because friends always split bills.”
“Worst thing I have ever heard in my entire life.”
Singaporean Redditors quickly filled the comments section with their thoughts, many of them disagreeing with the man’s take.
They argued that his post oversimplified women’s financial choices and failed to acknowledge that some women genuinely prefer to split the bill to avoid feeling indebted or obligated.
“I actually prefer to pay on dates if it’s not my boyfriend, because then there’s no underlying expectation that he paid and I need to sleep with him or whatever. Also, there are a strange number of guys who think you’re a golddigger just for getting a meal, so you can avoid that too,” one woman wrote.
“And I don’t judge guys who want to go Dutch either. I hate that men will say they can’t understand women and then just straight up not believe us when we say we want to pay.”
Another said, “Female here, I always pay for myself, and it’s because I want to order whatever I feel like, without the guy thinking, ‘Oh, she’s picking the expensive thing because I’m paying.’ No, it’s because that’s what I want to eat, and it happened to be expensive.”
“Also, I think it’s unfair that guys are still expected to shoulder the bill just because of tradition. If I can afford my own meal, I’ll pay for it.”
Others were far less diplomatic in their responses. One commenter flat-out wrote, “Incel alert. This rant is self-explanatory.”
Another commented, “This is the worst thing I have ever heard in my entire life—that women are paying due to virtue signalling. Please stop with these lies and go seek urgent help.”
In other news, a foreign student at the National University of Singapore (NUS) has shared on social media that, after struggling to secure an internship in the city, “a part of her is now considering going back to Europe.”
In her post on the r/singaporefi subreddit, she explained that although she truly wanted to build a life here in Singapore, the difficulty of finding an internship has left her “feeling discouraged.”
Read more: NUS foreign student struggles to land internship, considers returning to Europe
