SINGAPORE: She moved across the world for love. Gave up friends, risked her future, and told a bold lie to her parents, but two years into building a new life in Singapore, one thing still stands in the way of true happiness for a 24-year-old Chinese American woman: Her Singaporean Chinese girlfriend’s homophobic mum.
In a Reddit post on r/askSingapore that quickly gained traction, the woman shared her deeply personal story. “I met my GF (girlfriend) in July 2022 while I was on a holiday in Singapore,” she wrote. “We immediately hit it off, and I basically became her gay awakening… I cancelled my plans to visit Thailand and Malaysia just to stay with her longer.”
That holiday romance blossomed into a long-distance relationship — she returned to college in the US, while her girlfriend stayed in Singapore. Despite the odds, the couple stuck it out, navigating time zones and emotional distance with daily dedication, and then came the ultimate commitment: “I accepted the job I liked most and moved to Singapore… but I also lied to my parents about it, saying it was only temporary and too good an opportunity to reject.”
Her parents were furious when she finally came clean, but over time, things smoothed out — they even warmed to her partner. Now, they’re back on talking terms. If only it were that simple on the other side.
“She’s (mum) extremely traditional and homophobic…”
The girlfriend, a 23-year-old Singaporean woman, still lives with her mother, a “very, very controlling” woman who lost her husband years ago and now clings tightly to her daughters, especially the youngest, who’s still at home.
“She’s extremely traditional and homophobic,” the 24-year-old wrote. “The one time our talk became about gay people, [her mum] made it clear how much she dislikes them, how unnatural they are, etc.”
So for now, the two attend family dinners as just “best friends.” The mother even likes her — she’s impressed by her Mandarin, education, and femininity. Just not her real role in her daughter’s life if she came to know about it.
And that’s the emotional paradox. “It’s been two years and some change since I moved here permanently, and I’m starting to get impatient,” she confessed. “I risked my relationship with my parents, left my friends behind, and moved to a new country… but we can’t live together or become ‘official’ only because of her mum.”
GF is scared to tell her traditional Singaporean mother about me – am I being unreasonable/impatient? How to approach this?
byu/jinjja11 inaskSingapore
“Just move in together as ‘roommates’ or ‘best friends’”
Support and realism poured in from fellow Singaporeans and expats alike:
“It all depends on what your GF chooses to do,” one said. “You’ll be waiting forever if she doesn’t want to rock the boat.”
“In Singapore, there are 50-year-old spinsters who live with their ‘best friends’ for decades,” another wrote. “Everyone knows, but no one says it, and that’s okay.”
Some offered quiet solutions: “Just move in together as ‘roommates’… the parent will eventually know but choose not to confront it.”
Others warned gently: “If your GF won’t risk it now while she’s young and her mum is still healthy, it’ll be even harder later when her mother becomes elderly and dependent.”
One netizen cut to the heart of the matter: “You’re telling us the problem is not your relationship but your GF’s mother. No, it’s not, it’s your girlfriend.”
“You may never be acknowledged as her spouse…”
Singapore isn’t openly hostile to LGBTQ+ relationships, but societal conservatism — especially in traditional Chinese families — can turn love into a delicate dance of secrecy.
“Cutting the apron strings from a needy parent is a very common struggle,” wrote one commenter. “You may never be acknowledged as her spouse, but you can still be in her life, and be loved.”
Another suggested: “Be patient, but realistic. Lay out your expectations clearly, without ultimatums. Ask her to decide on a timeline, even if it’s slow. But the answer can’t be ‘never’.”
“I just want to live properly with my girlfriend in the same house, as an official couple…”
For now, the 24-year-old is stuck in a strange in-between — a life where she’s both deeply loved and politely erased.
“I love her too much to push her into a choice,” she expressed her feelings. “I just want to live properly with my girlfriend in the same house, as an official couple.”
She’s not asking for fireworks. Just honesty. Maybe even a quiet truth. The kind of truth that doesn’t need to be shouted — just lived, together, forever.
Read more relationship stories over here: ‘Why are S’porean Chinese guys so hesitant to approach non-Chinese girls?’ — Woman asks, ‘Why do you only ‘make eye contact and stare?’
