SINGAPORE: If you thought a hickey was just a harmless mark of affection, think again. In Singapore’s domestic helper Facebook circles, it has become a full-blown symbol of moral panic — at least for one employer.
Posting in the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper Facebook group, a concerned employer wrote: “My helper came back from her off day with a big hickie on her neck… As much as I think they can do whatever they choose to do during their free time, I felt that it was very unprofessional of her to do that.”
Her post didn’t stop there. She took it a step further, adding that it raised suspicions about her helper’s lifestyle: “How can you know that they are keeping out of trouble and not doing anything illegal like prostituting themselves or getting themselves STDs?”
From hickey to heated debate
What began as a one-woman Facebook rant quickly evolved into a digital battleground. Some employers rushed to back her concerns, with a mix of prudish horror and speculative fiction.
“Not a good role model for your kids,” one chimed in. “A lot are doing illegal part-time on their off days… massages and prostitution,” added another, confidently vague.
“Personally, I take the safer route… such character I will ask to leave mainly cause I have two kids at home,” said one who seemed ready to issue termination papers over epidermal evidence.
One particularly stern employer laid down a manifesto on household ethics:
“Working in a private home means maintaining a high standard of professionalism and personal conduct…Coming back with visible marks such as hickeys is not appropriate in a professional caregiving environment… The house is a shared space, not your personal quarters.”
That’s right — welcome to the etiquette manual of post-day-off body presentation.
But the helpers are not having it
Other maids in the group were quick to clap back, schooling employers on boundaries, respect, and how not to jump to conclusions over a suspicious red blotch.
“Her body, her rules — as long as she’s not putting others at risk,” one helper wrote. Another went straight for the jugular (pun possibly intended): “Are you jealous because you can’t get those marks?”
However, one helper tried to mediate between both sides: “Yes, you can do whatever you want on your off day, but also remember, don’t give trouble to your employer. What happens to you here is their liability, so think before you act.”
A few pointed out the elephant in the room — or rather, the mole on the neck: “How can you be so sure it was a hickey? Have you had it before? Ask your helper [first]…”
“Sometimes, go out and go places, got some insects… scratching it could irritate.”
In short, not all red marks are created equal.
One maid, clearly tired of the drama, summed it up: “So busy body this employer. I think she doesn’t have any job, so her only job is checking her helper.”
The bigger issue
Beneath the surface of Facebook snark and love-bite theories lies a deeper issue about privacy, power, and professionalism.
Yes, foreign domestic workers are expected to maintain standards of conduct, especially when living in close quarters with the families they serve, but do those expectations extend to their bodies during their day off?
Are we now policing leisure-time skin conditions? Are we one suspicious mosquito bite away from a termination?
While employers worry about health risks and household reputations, many helpers say they’re just asking for basic respect — and the right to live as autonomous adults when off-duty.
As one group member put it: “Whatever she does in her off-duty, it’s up to her. Why do you need to know her personal life? As long as she does her job properly, please lah, treat her as a human being too.”
Maybe the next time someone spots a red mark on someone’s neck, they should consider this revolutionary idea: ask them first to confirm, before starting a moral crusade on Facebook.
In other news, a foreign domestic worker (FDW) in Singapore asked, “Have I committed a crime to get married?” in a twist that sounds like a modern-day Cinderella tale with immigration red tape and a surprise termination letter as she was abruptly fired and told to pack up and leave the country, all because she fell in love with a Singaporean.
“I was shocked today,” she wrote in a heartfelt Facebook post. “My agency came and let me know to pack my things and leave the country immediately. I got terminated. My boss said this is because I’m going to get married to a Singaporean.”
You can read her full plight over here: Maid says, ‘I got terminated and was asked to leave Singapore immediately because I want to get married to a Singaporean’
