SINGAPORE: A 24-year-old fresh graduate shared that she is considering cutting off her parents, claiming that their irresponsible spending habits and toxic parenting style have taken a significant toll on her.
“Those who have cut off their parents, how did you do it?” This was the question an online user asked in a forum on Monday (Feb 24), not mincing words as she spoke about her issues with her parents.
“I have parents who are spendthrifts,” she shared. “They should have been well-to-do but spent most of their income on travel/luxury instead of saving or investing. They were F&B (food and beverage) owners and had the mindset of ‘work more, earn more, so we can spend more.’ They didn’t realise that with age, their stamina and output would drop, and they went from earning $20k to earning $5k and now about $2k per month.”
She then shared her worries, given their spending habits. “With zero savings, they are currently in credit card debt and cannot do away with their lavish lifestyle,” she said. “Their BTO (build-to-order) has not been paid off either. I honestly can tell they plan to use me as their retirement plan, and honestly, I wouldn’t have minded that either if they spent within their means. However, their current COL (cost of living) is like $5k a month, and that’s crazy for a fresh grad (24F) like me. I can’t afford it.
My overall lifestyle growing up was at par with my peers who were raised by single parents earning 3K/month, or I was even slightly worse off than them because my parents spent on luxuries and neglected necessities. I tried convincing them about their lifestyle but to no avail.”
The young woman then shared how her parents have handled her recent move out, saying they refuse to accept it. According to the writer, she has even received “threatening” voicemails about her parents calling authorities or even causing a scene in her workplace, all because they want her to live with them.
“All of their demands honestly don’t make sense, and it just shows how controlling they were,” she said. “They said I have no choice, and the only option I have to ‘fix’ this problem that I have caused is to move back. I don’t want to move back, and neither do I want to let them know where I live. I did tell them I can go back home often and visit them, but they refused to accept it.”
The woman also described how a five-hour phone call with her parents went. “It developed from them crying and saying I abandoned them, to them begging me to come back, to them scolding me for being so cold-hearted, to them saying they have no purpose in life without me, if I want them to jump off their house, and that the only option I have is to move back now.
(They) have told me before that the money I give them monthly is just ‘paying for my own food’ and doesn’t count as giving them an allowance, so why are they having a problem if I move out because now the money becomes theirs, right? (I have been giving them $600 a month, and I still am even after moving out).”
The young woman shared that although she wouldn’t have minded giving her parents $1k a month on the condition that they were conscious of their expenses, she said that she knew that her “hard-earned money would just be thrown into the sea.” She also claimed that her parents have even gone as far as to threaten to end their own lives and guilt-trip her.
However, in a show of support, many online users rallied behind the writer, leaving her messages of encouragement and sharing insights. Many spotted the toxicity right away and urged her not to be firm and not move back in with her parents. A handful shared practical tips, such as blocking unwanted numbers and refraining from letting her parents know where she lives.
“Change your number or block them, immediately,” said one. “Don’t give them money, and never tell them where you live. They’re desperate to have you under their thumb again, and I bet my last dollar that if you move back in with them, they will never let you move out.”
“Instead of giving them $1k a month, use that money to go see a good therapist to help you get out of this enmeshed toxicity,” said another.
