SINGAPORE: A 22-year-old woman recently took to Reddit to share how her self-esteem has taken a serious hit after being ghosted by men shortly after their first or second date.
Posting her experience on the r/sgdatingscene forum on Thursday (Oct 2), she said that things usually start off really well.
According to her, their text conversations before meeting up are “always great.”
She also makes sure that the date itself is going to run smoothly, as she would “suggest places, make the reservation, usually pay, keep some topics/bullet points prepared to ensure the convo remains engaging and plan something fun after, like dessert.”
However, despite going above and beyond, she said the outcome has been rather disappointing.
“Afterwards, there’s radio silence from the guys,” she said. “I know I’m a giver/provider by nature, but getting ghosted twice in a month has definitely taken a hit on my self-esteem.”
Wondering what went wrong, she asked the Reddit community: “Do I need to put on more of a ‘persona,’ or strip away some of my authentic self just to keep dates going? Or is this just part of modern dating that I shouldn’t take personally? Anyway, I’m tapping out for a bit. It’s been rough.”
“I think just be yourself still, you sound like an honourable person.”
In the comments, one Singaporean Redditor responded: “Ouch, being ghosted as a guy is tough, and it’s even more so as a lady! Try this next time, let the guy suggest, plan and make the reservation for the dates. Let him initiate chats, messages, calls, touches, etc. If he doesn’t respond, move on. My guess is some guys don’t like ladies who take the lead and might feel intimidated by them.”
Another echoed this view, writing: “This is going to be pretty controversial, but maybe you could let them take charge next time for a change? Just try it out. Guys are wired to desire what they have to work for, well, most. All the things you said you do are a guy’s job. It’s psychology, and you can’t beat it. If you want to do something, suggest it, don’t plan it.”
A third user, however, put forward another explanation, saying, “Female here. Okay, I also have a giver/provider mindset. A guy on Reddit commented that some guys might take it that if the girl offers to pay the full bill, then the girl is not interested in them. I didn’t even know this to be honest. I just usually offer to pay the full bill so that I wouldn’t in any way burden them. Maybe that’s why they let go of the chat, thinking you aren’t interested. I don’t know, but maybe it’s a possibility.”
A few users also encouraged the woman not to take the ghostings “too personally.” They suggested viewing these experiences as a “sunk cost,” something to learn from rather than dwell on, and to see them as part of the process of finding the right match.
One added, “I think just be yourself still, you sound like an honourable person. Not many girls are willing to pay, etc, for their own meal, even suggest places and prepare conversation topics. That sounds absolutely lovely. Sorry to hear that your self-esteem has taken a hit. One day, you will find someone who loves this version of you.”
In other news, a young woman battling an eating disorder says she was left devastated after her boyfriend, who had once urged her to eat more healthily, ended their relationship and told her with a “straight face” that she was “too fat.”
Detailing their relationship and breakup in a post on r/SGexams on Saturday (Oct 4), the woman revealed that she had a crush on her ex for four years and that they had been in the “talking stage” for two years before officially becoming a couple in February this year.
